Birth–11 monthsSelf-RegulationPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour
Uses familiar adult to share feelings such as excitement or pleasure, and for ‘emotional refuelling’ when feeling tired, stressed or frustrated.
Observe whether the child: uses familiar adult to share feelings such as excitement or pleasure, and for ‘emotional refuelling’ when feeling tired, stressed or frustrated.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Occasionally looks to a familiar adult when excited or upset, but does not consistently use them to settle or re-engage. May accept comfort but remains easily overwhelmed or disengages from exploration.
What you might see
When upset, does not calm more when the familiar adult appears; continues crying without orienting to their face/voice.
During pleasurable moments (toy/music), does not look toward the adult or share smiles/vocalisations with them.
Briefly looks at the familiar adult when startled, then continues fussing without moving toward them or settling.
Smiles during play but does not consistently ‘share’ it by looking back to the adult or seeking their response.
Expected
On track
Uses a familiar adult as a safe base in supported contexts: returns for a cuddle/voice contact when tired or frustrated and then resumes play. Shares positive feelings with brief looks, smiles, or vocalisations toward the adult.
What you might see
Crawls/turns back to the familiar adult for a quick cuddle after frustration, then returns to the toy/activity.
Looks toward the familiar adult and squeals/smiles when a preferred song or game happens.
Exceeding
Going further
Consistently checks in with or returns to a familiar adult for reassurance and comfort, then confidently re-engages with people or objects. Regularly shares excitement/pleasure (smiles, shows, vocalises) and uses the adult’s response to regulate.
What you might see
Moves away to explore, then returns to touch/lean in when unsure, and goes back to play after reassurance.
After a minor upset, seeks the familiar adult, settles quickly, and re-engages with the environment within minutes.
Approaches/reaches for the familiar adult early (before full crying) when tired or overstimulated, then resumes exploring once calm.
Shows or offers an object to the familiar adult (holding up/reaching) and watches their reaction as part of sharing pleasure.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
During floor play, watch whether your baby explores away and then returns to touch you or look at you before continuing. Notice whether that ‘check-in’ seems to support confidence.
When your baby becomes frustrated (toy not working), pause briefly and offer a calm, familiar response. Notice whether they seek you out and then return to try again.
During a joyful moment (peekaboo/song), notice whether your baby looks at your face to ‘share’ the excitement with smiles or vocalisations.
In a busy environment (shops/family gathering), notice whether your baby seeks proximity/eye contact with you to stay regulated.
During tired times, notice whether your baby approaches you for a short cuddle/voice contact and then settles enough to continue calmly.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012) (DM2012), Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour, birth-11 months.
The construct captures framework-native observable patterns of early secure-base use for sharing affect and recovering from distress.
Developmental research
Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.
Attachment research operationalizes infants’ use of caregivers as a secure base/safe haven for emotion regulation and returning to exploration.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Rarely orients to a familiar adult to share enjoyment or to seek reassurance when distressed. Distress is not noticeably reduced by returning to or seeing the familiar adult.
When upset, does not calm more when the familiar adult appears; continues crying without orienting to their face/voice.
During pleasurable moments (toy/music), does not look toward the adult or share smiles/vocalisations with them.
Emerging
Occasionally looks to a familiar adult when excited or upset, but does not consistently use them to settle or re-engage. May accept comfort but remains easily overwhelmed or disengages from exploration.
Briefly looks at the familiar adult when startled, then continues fussing without moving toward them or settling.
Smiles during play but does not consistently ‘share’ it by looking back to the adult or seeking their response.
Developing
Uses a familiar adult as a safe base in supported contexts: returns for a cuddle/voice contact when tired or frustrated and then resumes play. Shares positive feelings with brief looks, smiles, or vocalisations toward the adult.
Crawls/turns back to the familiar adult for a quick cuddle after frustration, then returns to the toy/activity.
Looks toward the familiar adult and squeals/smiles when a preferred song or game happens.
Secure
Consistently checks in with or returns to a familiar adult for reassurance and comfort, then confidently re-engages with people or objects. Regularly shares excitement/pleasure (smiles, shows, vocalises) and uses the adult’s response to regulate.
Moves away to explore, then returns to touch/lean in when unsure, and goes back to play after reassurance.
After a minor upset, seeks the familiar adult, settles quickly, and re-engages with the environment within minutes.
Reflexive
Actively manages arousal by seeking the familiar adult before distress escalates (approaches, reaches, vocalises) and recovers quickly after brief ‘refuelling’. Uses flexible social communication (showing, offering, turn-taking sounds) to share feelings and maintain connection during exploration.
Approaches/reaches for the familiar adult early (before full crying) when tired or overstimulated, then resumes exploring once calm.
Shows or offers an object to the familiar adult (holding up/reaching) and watches their reaction as part of sharing pleasure.
