Birth–11 monthsSelf-RegulationPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour
Growing ability to soothe themselves, and may like to use a comfort object.
Observe whether the child: growing ability to soothe themselves, and may like to use a comfort object.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Shows brief self-comforting precursors (e.g., sucking fingers, turning away, clutching fabric) but only inconsistently and still needs adult support to calm. May accept a comfort object when offered but does not reliably use it to settle.
What you might see
When upset, continues crying/fussing until picked up; does not quieten with finger-sucking, rocking, or holding a blanket/soft toy.
If a comfort object is placed nearby, ignores it or pushes it away and remains distressed.
Sucks fingers or rubs face for a few seconds, then escalates again and needs adult soothing to settle.
Holds a muslin/soft toy briefly when placed in their hand, but drops it and does not look for it when upset.
Expected
On track
In familiar routines, uses one or two self-soothing strategies and can settle for short periods with reduced adult help. May begin to reach for or hold a comfort object when tired or upset.
What you might see
When tired, clutches a familiar blanket or rubs fabric and quietens for a short time before needing further help.
During a familiar routine (e.g., before sleep), reaches for a comfort object and cuddles it while calming.
Exceeding
Going further
Independently uses self-soothing strategies (including seeking a comfort object) to calm after mild distress and often returns to play or rest. Calms more quickly once the chosen strategy/object is in place.
What you might see
After a minor upset, crawls/turns toward their comfort object, picks it up, and settles within a short period.
When startled, pauses, sucks thumb/fingers or rocks, and then resumes play without needing to be picked up.
Before nap/bed, independently finds and brings their comfort object to the sleep space without being prompted.
After a brief protest, uses a preferred self-soothing action (thumb/blanket/cuddle) and recovers quickly enough to re-engage with toys or people.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
At bedtime, place a familiar comfort object within reach and pause before intervening. Notice whether your baby reaches for it or uses a self-soothing action (thumb, rubbing fabric) to settle.
During a small frustration (toy slightly out of reach), watch for self-soothing attempts (pausing, sucking fingers, rocking) before you help. Notice whether they recover and try again.
During a transition (into car seat/pushchair), offer the comfort object and observe whether holding it reduces fussing compared with when it is not available.
After feeding, when drowsy, watch whether your baby can settle with gentle support (hand on tummy/quiet voice) rather than needing to be fully held and rocked.
In a new place (visitor/home), notice whether your baby uses a familiar object or repeated self-soothing action to calm when briefly unsettled.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012) (DM2012), Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour, birth-11 months.
The construct is a framework-native observable describing early co-regulation and emerging self-soothing within EYFS social-emotional development.
Developmental research
Winnicott, D. W. (1953). Transitional objects and transitional phenomena: A study of the first not-me possession. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 34, 89–97.
Comfort objects are a well-described developmental support for early regulation and separation, aligning with observable self-soothing via a familiar object.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
When distressed or tired, does not attempt to settle themselves and remains upset until an adult intervenes. Comfort objects do not seem to help or are not sought.
When upset, continues crying/fussing until picked up; does not quieten with finger-sucking, rocking, or holding a blanket/soft toy.
If a comfort object is placed nearby, ignores it or pushes it away and remains distressed.
Emerging
Shows brief self-comforting precursors (e.g., sucking fingers, turning away, clutching fabric) but only inconsistently and still needs adult support to calm. May accept a comfort object when offered but does not reliably use it to settle.
Sucks fingers or rubs face for a few seconds, then escalates again and needs adult soothing to settle.
Holds a muslin/soft toy briefly when placed in their hand, but drops it and does not look for it when upset.
Developing
In familiar routines, uses one or two self-soothing strategies and can settle for short periods with reduced adult help. May begin to reach for or hold a comfort object when tired or upset.
When tired, clutches a familiar blanket or rubs fabric and quietens for a short time before needing further help.
During a familiar routine (e.g., before sleep), reaches for a comfort object and cuddles it while calming.
Secure
Independently uses self-soothing strategies (including seeking a comfort object) to calm after mild distress and often returns to play or rest. Calms more quickly once the chosen strategy/object is in place.
After a minor upset, crawls/turns toward their comfort object, picks it up, and settles within a short period.
When startled, pauses, sucks thumb/fingers or rocks, and then resumes play without needing to be picked up.
Reflexive
Flexibly chooses between strategies (comfort object, quiet cuddle, self-soothing actions) and may anticipate needing comfort by fetching the object before sleep or a change. Uses emerging communication (vocalising, pointing, reaching) to signal and organise comfort needs.
Before nap/bed, independently finds and brings their comfort object to the sleep space without being prompted.
After a brief protest, uses a preferred self-soothing action (thumb/blanket/cuddle) and recovers quickly enough to re-engage with toys or people.
