22–36 monthsSelf-RegulationPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour
Aware of own feelings, and knows that some actions and words can hurt others’ feelings.
Observe whether the child: aware of own feelings, and knows that some actions and words can hurt others’ feelings.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
With adult prompting, can sometimes name a basic feeling and may notice another person is upset, but needs adult explanation to connect cause and effect.
What you might see
Cannot answer or gestures randomly when asked “how do you feel?” while clearly upset.
Repeats a rough action or unkind phrase even after a peer cries or looks distressed.
Snatches a toy and ignores the other child’s upset, continuing play without pause.
Copies an adult’s feeling word after a prompt (e.g., repeats “sad” or “cross”).
Stops rough play briefly when told “gentle,” but does not appear to connect it to the other person’s feelings.
Looks at a crying child and waits for an adult to direct them what to do (give toy, say sorry).
Expected
On track
Sometimes labels own feelings spontaneously and begins to stop or change behaviour when told it hurt someone, often needing prompts to repair.
What you might see
Says a basic feeling about self (e.g., “I cross,” “scared”) during a real moment.
Pauses after being told “that hurt” and reduces force or moves away with prompting.
Says “sorry” after a prompt and may offer a toy/comfort briefly.
Exceeding
Going further
Regularly uses feeling language, anticipates that words/actions can hurt, and tries to repair (comfort, apology, gentler behaviour) when someone is upset.
What you might see
Uses words for own feelings instead of hitting (e.g., “no,” “don’t like,” “mine”).
Notices another child’s face/crying and changes behaviour (stops teasing, gives space).
Attempts repair without being told (offers a hug, gives back item, says sorry).
Suggests a kinder alternative (e.g., “say please,” “take turns”) to prevent hurt feelings.
Checks in on impact (e.g., looks at the person and asks “you ok?” or waits for response).
Reminds peers about gentle words/hands without adult prompting and models a repair action.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
During story time, ask “how does the character feel?” and notice whether your child can name a feeling and say what might help.
In everyday frustration (toy breaks, waiting), notice whether your child can say a feeling word (sad/cross/scared) instead of only crying or hitting.
During sibling or peer play, watch whether your child notices when someone looks upset and changes their behaviour (stops, gives space, offers comfort).
At mealtime, if someone says “that hurt” (e.g., loud voice, pushing), notice whether your child can adjust and attempt repair.
During pretend play with dolls/figures, act out a hurtful comment/action and see if your child labels feelings and suggests a kinder option.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012), DfE — Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour (22–36 months).
Framework-native indicators include emerging emotion awareness and understanding that actions/words can affect others.
Developmental research
Denham, S. A. (1998). Emotional Development in Young Children. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Developmental research links emotion knowledge and regulation to social competence and interpersonal behaviour in early childhood.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Shows limited awareness of own feelings and does not link actions/words to others’ feelings; may continue hurtful behaviour without noticing impact.
Cannot answer or gestures randomly when asked “how do you feel?” while clearly upset.
Repeats a rough action or unkind phrase even after a peer cries or looks distressed.
Snatches a toy and ignores the other child’s upset, continuing play without pause.
Emerging
With adult prompting, can sometimes name a basic feeling and may notice another person is upset, but needs adult explanation to connect cause and effect.
Copies an adult’s feeling word after a prompt (e.g., repeats “sad” or “cross”).
Stops rough play briefly when told “gentle,” but does not appear to connect it to the other person’s feelings.
Looks at a crying child and waits for an adult to direct them what to do (give toy, say sorry).
Developing
Sometimes labels own feelings spontaneously and begins to stop or change behaviour when told it hurt someone, often needing prompts to repair.
Says a basic feeling about self (e.g., “I cross,” “scared”) during a real moment.
Pauses after being told “that hurt” and reduces force or moves away with prompting.
Says “sorry” after a prompt and may offer a toy/comfort briefly.
Secure
Regularly uses feeling language, anticipates that words/actions can hurt, and tries to repair (comfort, apology, gentler behaviour) when someone is upset.
Uses words for own feelings instead of hitting (e.g., “no,” “don’t like,” “mine”).
Notices another child’s face/crying and changes behaviour (stops teasing, gives space).
Attempts repair without being told (offers a hug, gives back item, says sorry).
Reflexive
Uses emotion understanding flexibly: checks in on others, adjusts communication to be kind, and supports peers to use gentle words and make amends.
Suggests a kinder alternative (e.g., “say please,” “take turns”) to prevent hurt feelings.
Checks in on impact (e.g., looks at the person and asks “you ok?” or waits for response).
Reminds peers about gentle words/hands without adult prompting and models a repair action.
