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22–36 monthsSelf-Regulation

Tries to help or give comfort when others are distressed.

Observe whether the child: tries to help or give comfort when others are distressed.

What it looks like

Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.

Emerging

Just starting

Notices distress and may pause/look; attempts a comforting action mainly when prompted or shown what to do by an adult.

What you might see

  • Keeps playing when another child is crying nearby and does not look over.
  • Laughs, copies, or escalates when someone is upset (e.g., repeats the action that caused tears).
  • Gets distressed themselves and cannot approach the upset person, instead moving away or shouting.
  • Looks at an upset person and stands still until an adult says “go give them a cuddle/toy.”
  • Hands a toy/tissue only after an adult places it in their hand and prompts them to give it.
  • Pats/hugs briefly after being told, then returns to own play.

Expected

On track

Offers simple comfort or help in familiar situations (e.g., gives a toy, pats, fetches an adult), sometimes needing suggestions.

What you might see

  • Brings a familiar adult to the upset person (e.g., takes adult’s hand and leads them over).
  • Offers a toy or comfort object to someone crying without being told.
  • Says a simple comforting phrase (e.g., “ok,” “there”) or uses gentle touch after noticing tears.

Exceeding

Going further

Spontaneously tries to comfort or help others across contexts and checks their response, seeking adult help if needed.

What you might see

  • Approaches a crying child and offers a hug/pat, then waits to see if it helps.
  • Fetches something helpful (e.g., a plaster, tissue, favourite toy) and brings it over independently.
  • Invites the upset child into play to help them recover (e.g., “come play cars”).
  • Suggests a fix (e.g., “let’s get another turn,” “we can build it again”) while comforting.
  • Adjusts how they help (gentle voice, space, offering a choice) depending on the person’s response.
  • Encourages a peer to help too (e.g., “get her teddy,” “let’s help him”).

Try this at home

Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.

  • During story time, pause on a character who is sad/hurt and notice whether your child offers a comforting idea (hug, help, get an adult).

  • When a sibling or adult pretends to be upset (mild acting), see whether your child tries to bring a toy, give a cuddle, or ask “ok?”

  • At the playground, if another child cries, observe whether your child looks concerned and tries to help (or seeks an adult) rather than ignoring.

  • During pretend play (dolls/figures), act out a toy being ‘hurt’ and notice whether your child comforts or helps fix the problem.

  • If someone drops/spills something, watch whether your child offers practical help (picking up, fetching tissue) without being told.

Connected behaviours

Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.

Where this comes from

The framework source and supporting developmental research.

Framework source

  • Development Matters in the EYFS (2012), DfE — Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour (22–36 months).

    Framework-native progression expects early prosocial responses such as comforting and helping when others are distressed.

Developmental research

  • Hoffman, M. L. (2000). Empathy and Moral Development: Implications for Caring and Justice. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. doi:10.1017/CBO9780511805851

    Empathy-based accounts link children’s concern for others’ distress to developing prosocial and moral behaviour.

Five-level rubric (detailed)Show

The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.

Not Yet
Does not consistently notice or respond to another person’s distress; may continue own activity or become upset without offering help/comfort.
  • Keeps playing when another child is crying nearby and does not look over.
  • Laughs, copies, or escalates when someone is upset (e.g., repeats the action that caused tears).
  • Gets distressed themselves and cannot approach the upset person, instead moving away or shouting.
Emerging
Notices distress and may pause/look; attempts a comforting action mainly when prompted or shown what to do by an adult.
  • Looks at an upset person and stands still until an adult says “go give them a cuddle/toy.”
  • Hands a toy/tissue only after an adult places it in their hand and prompts them to give it.
  • Pats/hugs briefly after being told, then returns to own play.
Developing
Offers simple comfort or help in familiar situations (e.g., gives a toy, pats, fetches an adult), sometimes needing suggestions.
  • Brings a familiar adult to the upset person (e.g., takes adult’s hand and leads them over).
  • Offers a toy or comfort object to someone crying without being told.
  • Says a simple comforting phrase (e.g., “ok,” “there”) or uses gentle touch after noticing tears.
Secure
Spontaneously tries to comfort or help others across contexts and checks their response, seeking adult help if needed.
  • Approaches a crying child and offers a hug/pat, then waits to see if it helps.
  • Fetches something helpful (e.g., a plaster, tissue, favourite toy) and brings it over independently.
  • Invites the upset child into play to help them recover (e.g., “come play cars”).
Reflexive
Combines concern with problem solving: suggests solutions, adapts comfort to the person, and may guide peers toward helping.
  • Suggests a fix (e.g., “let’s get another turn,” “we can build it again”) while comforting.
  • Adjusts how they help (gentle voice, space, offering a choice) depending on the person’s response.
  • Encourages a peer to help too (e.g., “get her teddy,” “let’s help him”).