22–36 monthsSelf-RegulationPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour
Aware that some actions can hurt or harm others.
Observe whether the child: aware that some actions can hurt or harm others.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Sometimes pauses when an adult labels harm (“That hurts”) and may look at the other child, but repeats the action without close supervision. Understanding is inconsistent and situation-dependent.
What you might see
Hits/pushes/throws objects toward others and continues even when the other child cries or says “no.”
Laughs or carries on immediately after causing harm and does not look toward the hurt person.
Handles a pet/toy roughly (pulling, squeezing) and does not respond to repeated “gentle” prompts.
Stops for a moment when an adult says “That hurts,” then repeats the same action within a short time.
Looks at the hurt person when they cry but needs adult direction to change behaviour.
Says “sorry” when prompted but shows limited behaviour change afterward.
Expected
On track
Usually stops a harming action when prompted and can use simple language or gestures indicating awareness (“hurt”, gentle touch). Begins to choose safer alternatives when reminded.
What you might see
After a prompt (“gentle hands”), changes touch to stroking/patting rather than grabbing.
Stops a rough action and says “hurt” or points to the hurt area when an adult labels it.
Chooses an alternative action when guided (rolls a ball instead of throwing it at someone).
Exceeding
Going further
Anticipates that certain actions can hurt and avoids them in most situations, especially with peers and pets. Shows concern when someone is hurt and may attempt basic repair (checking in, seeking help).
What you might see
Avoids hitting/throwing toward people during excited play and uses safer actions (stomping feet, squeezing a cushion).
When someone is hurt, approaches and looks concerned, then seeks an adult or brings comfort item with prompting.
Warns “careful” or moves away from someone’s body when play gets too close.
Adjusts force in play automatically (slower running indoors, softer touch with babies/pets) without needing reminders.
Initiates repair: fetches a tissue/ice pack, offers a toy, or pats gently without being asked.
Explains a simple rule to a peer (“No pushing—it hurts”) and models a safer alternative.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
During active play, watch for moments of excitement and see whether your child can keep “gentle hands” without repeated reminders.
If your child bumps someone accidentally, pause and ask: “What happened to them?” Notice whether your child links the action to the other person’s hurt.
When playing with pets or younger children, observe whether your child adjusts touch/force (stroking instead of grabbing).
At the playground, narrate safety boundaries (“We don’t push on the slide”) and notice whether your child avoids harming actions over time.
Read a simple story where a character gets hurt and ask: “What made it hurt? What could they do instead?”
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012), Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour (22–36 months).
Harm-awareness is specified as an observable developmental statement in the toddler band.
Developmental research
Hoffman, M. L. (2000). Empathy and Moral Development: Implications for Caring and Justice. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
Moral development research links early empathy and concern for others to children’s emerging understanding of harm and prosocial repair behaviours.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Does not show awareness that their actions can hurt others and may continue rough behaviour despite clear distress signals. Requires immediate adult interruption to prevent harm.
Hits/pushes/throws objects toward others and continues even when the other child cries or says “no.”
Laughs or carries on immediately after causing harm and does not look toward the hurt person.
Handles a pet/toy roughly (pulling, squeezing) and does not respond to repeated “gentle” prompts.
Emerging
Sometimes pauses when an adult labels harm (“That hurts”) and may look at the other child, but repeats the action without close supervision. Understanding is inconsistent and situation-dependent.
Stops for a moment when an adult says “That hurts,” then repeats the same action within a short time.
Looks at the hurt person when they cry but needs adult direction to change behaviour.
Says “sorry” when prompted but shows limited behaviour change afterward.
Developing
Usually stops a harming action when prompted and can use simple language or gestures indicating awareness (“hurt”, gentle touch). Begins to choose safer alternatives when reminded.
After a prompt (“gentle hands”), changes touch to stroking/patting rather than grabbing.
Stops a rough action and says “hurt” or points to the hurt area when an adult labels it.
Chooses an alternative action when guided (rolls a ball instead of throwing it at someone).
Secure
Anticipates that certain actions can hurt and avoids them in most situations, especially with peers and pets. Shows concern when someone is hurt and may attempt basic repair (checking in, seeking help).
Avoids hitting/throwing toward people during excited play and uses safer actions (stomping feet, squeezing a cushion).
When someone is hurt, approaches and looks concerned, then seeks an adult or brings comfort item with prompting.
Warns “careful” or moves away from someone’s body when play gets too close.
Reflexive
Generalises harm-awareness across contexts, regulating body strength and speed in play and actively protecting others (warning, creating space). Initiates repair actions and can explain simple safety reasons to peers with adult support.
Adjusts force in play automatically (slower running indoors, softer touch with babies/pets) without needing reminders.
Initiates repair: fetches a tissue/ice pack, offers a toy, or pats gently without being asked.
Explains a simple rule to a peer (“No pushing—it hurts”) and models a safer alternative.
