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22–36 monthsSelf-Regulation

Growing ability to distract self when upset, e.g. by engaging in a new play activity.

Observe whether the child: growing ability to distract self when upset, e.g. by engaging in a new play activity.

What it looks like

Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.

Emerging

Just starting

Can shift attention briefly with adult help (offering a new activity, moving space), but often returns to the upset quickly.

What you might see

  • After being told “no,” stays crying at the same spot and cannot engage with any toy offered.
  • Keeps returning to the blocked goal (door/cup/toy) while crying, without trying anything else.
  • Throws items or screams until the adult changes the situation, with no self-initiated calming.
  • Stops crying to look at a new toy offered by an adult, then resumes crying shortly after.
  • Joins a new activity only when an adult sits them down and starts it with them.
  • Calms during a song/bubbles but returns to upset as soon as attention shifts back to the trigger.

Expected

On track

Sometimes redirects into a new activity in familiar contexts, especially after an adult prompt, though bigger upsets still need co-regulation.

What you might see

  • Moves to another toy shelf and starts new play for a few minutes after an adult suggests it.
  • Brings a comfort object/book to a quiet spot to calm, but still needs check-ins.
  • Accepts “let’s do puzzle instead” and begins to engage, though may grumble or revisit the issue.

Exceeding

Going further

Regularly uses distraction or activity-switching to recover from upset, choosing an alternative and returning to calm within a reasonable time.

What you might see

  • Says “different game” or “other toy” and redirects themselves after a disappointment.
  • Walks away from a conflict and starts another activity without needing to be carried away.
  • Uses a calming routine (snack, book, drawing) to settle and then returns to play.
  • Chooses the best strategy for the moment (quiet corner, movement break, asking adult) without prompting.
  • Recovers after a bigger disappointment by switching activity and later returning to try again.
  • Suggests alternative ideas to self/others (e.g., “we can play this while we wait”) to prevent escalation.

Try this at home

Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.

  • When a preferred item isn’t available, notice whether your child can switch to another toy/activity after a short upset rather than staying stuck.

  • During a sibling conflict, watch whether your child can walk away and start a new activity (with or without a prompt) instead of escalating.

  • At mealtime, if you can’t give something immediately, observe whether your child can distract themselves (talking, drinking water, looking at a book).

  • During bath time, if a toy is removed/finished, notice whether your child can move to a different bath activity rather than melting down.

  • At bedtime, if you change the order (e.g., pyjamas before story), watch whether your child can settle into the next step after brief reassurance.

Connected behaviours

Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.

Where this comes from

The framework source and supporting developmental research.

Framework source

  • Development Matters in the EYFS (2012), DfE — Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour (22–36 months).

    Framework-native indicators include attention-shifting and activity switching as an emerging self-regulation strategy.

Developmental research

  • Kopp, C. B. (1982). Antecedents of self-regulation: A developmental perspective. Developmental Psychology, 18(2), 199–214. doi:10.1037/0012-1649.18.2.199

    Developmental accounts describe early self-regulation as progressing from co-regulation to attention control and strategy use (including distraction).

Five-level rubric (detailed)Show

The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.

Not Yet
When upset, stays stuck on the trigger and cannot shift attention; distress escalates until an adult intervenes to change the situation.
  • After being told “no,” stays crying at the same spot and cannot engage with any toy offered.
  • Keeps returning to the blocked goal (door/cup/toy) while crying, without trying anything else.
  • Throws items or screams until the adult changes the situation, with no self-initiated calming.
Emerging
Can shift attention briefly with adult help (offering a new activity, moving space), but often returns to the upset quickly.
  • Stops crying to look at a new toy offered by an adult, then resumes crying shortly after.
  • Joins a new activity only when an adult sits them down and starts it with them.
  • Calms during a song/bubbles but returns to upset as soon as attention shifts back to the trigger.
Developing
Sometimes redirects into a new activity in familiar contexts, especially after an adult prompt, though bigger upsets still need co-regulation.
  • Moves to another toy shelf and starts new play for a few minutes after an adult suggests it.
  • Brings a comfort object/book to a quiet spot to calm, but still needs check-ins.
  • Accepts “let’s do puzzle instead” and begins to engage, though may grumble or revisit the issue.
Secure
Regularly uses distraction or activity-switching to recover from upset, choosing an alternative and returning to calm within a reasonable time.
  • Says “different game” or “other toy” and redirects themselves after a disappointment.
  • Walks away from a conflict and starts another activity without needing to be carried away.
  • Uses a calming routine (snack, book, drawing) to settle and then returns to play.
Reflexive
Uses multiple flexible strategies (distraction, asking for help, choosing quiet activity) and can reframe disappointments and re-join play smoothly.
  • Chooses the best strategy for the moment (quiet corner, movement break, asking adult) without prompting.
  • Recovers after a bigger disappointment by switching activity and later returning to try again.
  • Suggests alternative ideas to self/others (e.g., “we can play this while we wait”) to prevent escalation.