22–36 monthsSelf-RegulationPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour
Can usually tolerate delay when needs are not immediately met, and understands wishes may not always be met.
Observe whether the child: can usually tolerate delay when needs are not immediately met, and understands wishes may not always be met.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Can tolerate very brief delays in low-stress moments, especially with adult distraction, but waiting often triggers whining/grabbing. Understanding of “not now” is fragile and inconsistent.
What you might see
When told “wait,” immediately screams/throws objects or hits/grabs to get the item.
During snack preparation, pulls at the adult, climbs, or repeatedly tries to take food despite clear limits.
In a short queue or transition, pushes past others or bolts toward the goal without responding to reminders.
Waits while an adult counts to 5–10, then begins grabbing or crying if the delay continues.
Accepts “later” during play but not when hungry/tired, escalating quickly in those moments.
Settles only when given an immediate substitute or when physically held throughout the wait.
Expected
On track
Tolerates short, predictable delays in familiar routines with adult support (countdown, “after this”). May protest, but can recover and continue waiting with co-regulation.
What you might see
When told “two more minutes,” stays nearby and watches, protesting briefly but remaining with the adult.
Uses an adult-suggested distraction (toy/book/song) to wait for a turn or for a task to finish.
After “not now,” asks again but with lower intensity and can be redirected to another activity.
Exceeding
Going further
Usually manages common daily delays (snack preparation, turns, transitions) without major escalation and can accept that some wishes are not met. Uses simple words or strategies (“wait”, choosing an alternative) to cope.
What you might see
Waits for a sand timer/turn cue during a simple game with only occasional reminders.
When a preferred item is unavailable, chooses an alternative when offered and moves on without a meltdown.
Tolerates a short delay leaving a preferred activity after a countdown and follows through.
Says “after lunch”/“my turn next” and returns to play without needing adult-led distraction.
Finds a self-chosen activity while waiting (builds, looks at a book) and re-joins when ready.
Reminds a peer about turn-taking (“me then you”) and waits without grabbing.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
At snack time, say: “I’m getting it ready—you can have it in two minutes.” Notice whether your child can wait with support rather than grabbing.
When your child requests something, practice “first/then” language: “First shoes on, then outside.” Notice whether they tolerate the delay.
During play, introduce a simple turn system (timer or “one turn each”). Observe whether your child can wait without snatching.
In the car or buggy, pause briefly before giving a desired item and narrate: “We have to wait until we stop.” Notice their coping strategies.
When you need to say no, offer an alternative: “Not that one—you can choose this or this.” Notice whether your child can accept an unmet wish.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012), Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour (22–36 months).
The construct is a framework-native statement specifying observable tolerance for delay and unmet wishes.
Developmental research
Kopp, C. B. (1982). Antecedents of self-regulation: A developmental perspective. Developmental Psychology, 18(2), 199–214.
Self-regulation research describes early transitions from co-regulation toward emerging self-control during the toddler period, aligning with tolerance for waiting and denial.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Becomes quickly distressed when waiting or when a request is denied, with minimal ability to pause or shift attention. Needs immediate adult intervention to prevent escalation.
When told “wait,” immediately screams/throws objects or hits/grabs to get the item.
During snack preparation, pulls at the adult, climbs, or repeatedly tries to take food despite clear limits.
In a short queue or transition, pushes past others or bolts toward the goal without responding to reminders.
Emerging
Can tolerate very brief delays in low-stress moments, especially with adult distraction, but waiting often triggers whining/grabbing. Understanding of “not now” is fragile and inconsistent.
Waits while an adult counts to 5–10, then begins grabbing or crying if the delay continues.
Accepts “later” during play but not when hungry/tired, escalating quickly in those moments.
Settles only when given an immediate substitute or when physically held throughout the wait.
Developing
Tolerates short, predictable delays in familiar routines with adult support (countdown, “after this”). May protest, but can recover and continue waiting with co-regulation.
When told “two more minutes,” stays nearby and watches, protesting briefly but remaining with the adult.
Uses an adult-suggested distraction (toy/book/song) to wait for a turn or for a task to finish.
After “not now,” asks again but with lower intensity and can be redirected to another activity.
Secure
Usually manages common daily delays (snack preparation, turns, transitions) without major escalation and can accept that some wishes are not met. Uses simple words or strategies (“wait”, choosing an alternative) to cope.
Waits for a sand timer/turn cue during a simple game with only occasional reminders.
When a preferred item is unavailable, chooses an alternative when offered and moves on without a meltdown.
Tolerates a short delay leaving a preferred activity after a countdown and follows through.
Reflexive
Uses waiting strategies independently and flexibly (self-talk, distraction, negotiating alternatives) and copes with disappointment with minimal adult support. May support peers by reminding about turns or suggesting a different option.
Says “after lunch”/“my turn next” and returns to play without needing adult-led distraction.
Finds a self-chosen activity while waiting (builds, looks at a book) and re-joins when ready.
Reminds a peer about turn-taking (“me then you”) and waits without grabbing.
