22–36 monthsSelf-RegulationPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour
Responds to the feelings and wishes of others.
Observe whether the child: responds to the feelings and wishes of others.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Sometimes notices when an adult labels another person’s feeling or wish, pausing briefly, but responses are inconsistent. May respond in simple ways with prompting (look, pat, give back).
What you might see
When another child cries, continues playing without looking or moving toward them.
Takes an item from someone who is reaching for it and does not respond to their protest.
When told “He wants a turn,” refuses and escalates rather than adjusting behaviour.
Looks toward a crying peer when an adult says “She’s sad,” but does not change behaviour without direct guidance.
Gives an item back only after an adult physically prompts the exchange.
Stops briefly when a peer says “no,” then repeats the action moments later.
Expected
On track
Often responds with adult support: adjusts behaviour when told someone is sad/upset or wants a turn, and can offer a simple helpful action (handing an item, stopping a loud action). Still needs reminders when highly excited or frustrated.
What you might see
After an adult prompt, offers a toy or pats gently when someone is upset.
Responds to “He wants that next” by handing it over with support or after a brief protest.
Adjusts a behaviour when told it affects someone else (moves away, lowers volume) with reminders.
Exceeding
Going further
Spontaneously responds in familiar contexts: offers comfort, shares space/items more readily, and stops actions when others indicate distress or refusal. Uses simple language/gestures to check in and to cooperate.
What you might see
When a peer says “stop” or looks distressed, pauses and changes behaviour without an adult stepping in.
Offers comfort spontaneously (brings a familiar comfort item or offers a cuddle) in familiar relationships.
Notices a simple wish (someone reaching for a cup) and hands it to them without being asked.
Suggests a turn-taking solution (“You first then me”) and follows it through.
Checks in with simple language/gesture (“You okay?” or concerned look + gentle touch) and waits for a response.
When conflict happens, initiates repair (returns item, offers alternative) without being told.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
During shared play, narrate a simple wish: “[Name] wants a turn.” Notice whether your child can respond by waiting, swapping, or handing over with support.
If someone in the home shows a clear emotion (sad, tired), observe whether your child changes behaviour (gentler voice, offers comfort) without being instructed.
At the park or on a playdate, watch for whether your child responds when another child says “no” or “stop.”
Use storybooks to label feelings and ask: “What could we do to help?” Then watch for similar helping behaviours in real life.
During routines, create a simple helping moment (“Can you give Dad the spoon?”) and notice whether your child notices needs and responds.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012), Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour (22–36 months).
Responding to others’ feelings and wishes is specified as an observable developmental statement for toddlers.
Developmental research
Hoffman, M. L. (2000). Empathy and Moral Development: Implications for Caring and Justice. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
Empathy development literature supports observable early prosocial responses to others’ distress and needs.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Rarely notices or changes behaviour in response to others’ feelings or wishes, continuing their own agenda. Needs adults to mediate most social moments involving another person’s needs.
When another child cries, continues playing without looking or moving toward them.
Takes an item from someone who is reaching for it and does not respond to their protest.
When told “He wants a turn,” refuses and escalates rather than adjusting behaviour.
Emerging
Sometimes notices when an adult labels another person’s feeling or wish, pausing briefly, but responses are inconsistent. May respond in simple ways with prompting (look, pat, give back).
Looks toward a crying peer when an adult says “She’s sad,” but does not change behaviour without direct guidance.
Gives an item back only after an adult physically prompts the exchange.
Stops briefly when a peer says “no,” then repeats the action moments later.
Developing
Often responds with adult support: adjusts behaviour when told someone is sad/upset or wants a turn, and can offer a simple helpful action (handing an item, stopping a loud action). Still needs reminders when highly excited or frustrated.
After an adult prompt, offers a toy or pats gently when someone is upset.
Responds to “He wants that next” by handing it over with support or after a brief protest.
Adjusts a behaviour when told it affects someone else (moves away, lowers volume) with reminders.
Secure
Spontaneously responds in familiar contexts: offers comfort, shares space/items more readily, and stops actions when others indicate distress or refusal. Uses simple language/gestures to check in and to cooperate.
When a peer says “stop” or looks distressed, pauses and changes behaviour without an adult stepping in.
Offers comfort spontaneously (brings a familiar comfort item or offers a cuddle) in familiar relationships.
Notices a simple wish (someone reaching for a cup) and hands it to them without being asked.
Reflexive
Anticipates others’ feelings and wishes and negotiates solutions (turns, alternatives) with minimal adult help. Encourages peers and may help label feelings or suggest repair actions when social problems arise.
Suggests a turn-taking solution (“You first then me”) and follows it through.
Checks in with simple language/gesture (“You okay?” or concerned look + gentle touch) and waits for a response.
When conflict happens, initiates repair (returns item, offers alternative) without being told.
