8–20 monthsSelf-RegulationPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour
Responds to a few appropriate boundaries, with encouragement and support.
Observe whether the child: responds to a few appropriate boundaries, with encouragement and support.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Sometimes pauses or stops briefly when a boundary is stated ("no/stop") with a clear gesture, but quickly resumes without continued adult support. Responses depend heavily on mood, fatigue, and familiarity.
What you might see
When told “no” and shown a stop hand, continues reaching for the item and needs to be physically blocked each time.
Returns immediately to the forbidden action (pulling wires, climbing) despite repeated calm redirection.
Pushes away an adult’s hand and persists without pausing or looking for cues.
Pauses for a second when hearing “stop,” then resumes the action unless the adult stays close and repeats.
Stops only when the adult picks them up or removes the object, not in response to the boundary statement itself.
Follows a boundary in one routine (e.g., “gentle” with pet) but not in others.
Expected
On track
With encouragement and support, stops or redirects in familiar situations and can follow a few simple boundaries (e.g., gentle hands, stay near). May need reminders, but begins to accept adult help to do an alternative.
What you might see
When the adult says “gentle hands” and models, the child switches from grabbing to patting softly for a short moment.
Responds to “come back” by turning toward the adult and taking a hand with encouragement.
Stops a minor action (banging spoon) and does an alternative (stirring) after the adult offers a substitute.
Exceeding
Going further
Consistently responds to a small set of boundaries across contexts with minimal prompting: pauses, looks to the adult, and shifts to an acceptable action. Increasingly tolerates short waiting and repeats routines that reflect boundaries.
What you might see
When told “no” calmly, the child pauses, looks at the adult, and moves away from the item most times.
Waits briefly at a doorway when the adult says “wait,” especially with a familiar cue (hand up).
Handles a preferred object more carefully after a reminder (e.g., stops throwing, places it down).
Approaches a prohibited area and slows or stops after seeing the adult’s cue, without needing the verbal reminder.
In a new place, checks the adult’s face/gesture before touching unfamiliar items, then adjusts behaviour.
Accepts a boundary and chooses between two offered alternatives (two toys/two routes) without escalating.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
Home safety: Choose one consistent boundary (e.g., “stop” at the stairs) and notice whether your child pauses/looks to you and can redirect with encouragement.
Mealtime: If your child bangs or throws utensils, try “gentle” with a model and observe whether they can copy for a short period with support.
Outdoor/transition: At the front door or curb, say “wait” with a stop hand and see whether your child can pause before moving on.
Play: During a high-interest activity, set a simple limit (“not that; this”) and notice whether your child can accept the alternative with support.
Caregiving: When you say “all done” or “hands down” (simple boundary), observe whether your child can stop the action when encouraged.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the Early Years Foundation Stage (Early Education, 2012) — Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour (8–20 months).
Provides the EYFS practice guidance statement for responding to boundaries with adult support.
Developmental research
Kopp, C. B. (1982). Antecedents of self-regulation: A developmental perspective. Developmental Psychology, 18(2), 199–214.
Supports the developmental progression from externally guided compliance toward increasing self-controlled behaviour in toddlerhood.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Does not yet reliably change behaviour in response to simple boundaries, even with encouragement; continues the action or repeatedly returns to it. Needs immediate physical prevention to maintain safety.
When told “no” and shown a stop hand, continues reaching for the item and needs to be physically blocked each time.
Returns immediately to the forbidden action (pulling wires, climbing) despite repeated calm redirection.
Pushes away an adult’s hand and persists without pausing or looking for cues.
Emerging
Sometimes pauses or stops briefly when a boundary is stated ("no/stop") with a clear gesture, but quickly resumes without continued adult support. Responses depend heavily on mood, fatigue, and familiarity.
Pauses for a second when hearing “stop,” then resumes the action unless the adult stays close and repeats.
Stops only when the adult picks them up or removes the object, not in response to the boundary statement itself.
Follows a boundary in one routine (e.g., “gentle” with pet) but not in others.
Developing
With encouragement and support, stops or redirects in familiar situations and can follow a few simple boundaries (e.g., gentle hands, stay near). May need reminders, but begins to accept adult help to do an alternative.
When the adult says “gentle hands” and models, the child switches from grabbing to patting softly for a short moment.
Responds to “come back” by turning toward the adult and taking a hand with encouragement.
Stops a minor action (banging spoon) and does an alternative (stirring) after the adult offers a substitute.
Secure
Consistently responds to a small set of boundaries across contexts with minimal prompting: pauses, looks to the adult, and shifts to an acceptable action. Increasingly tolerates short waiting and repeats routines that reflect boundaries.
When told “no” calmly, the child pauses, looks at the adult, and moves away from the item most times.
Waits briefly at a doorway when the adult says “wait,” especially with a familiar cue (hand up).
Handles a preferred object more carefully after a reminder (e.g., stops throwing, places it down).
Reflexive
Applies boundaries flexibly and generalises: anticipates limits in new situations (slows down near road, handles items gently) and accepts alternatives without escalating. Uses emerging communication to check or negotiate (gesture/word) while staying within the boundary.
Approaches a prohibited area and slows or stops after seeing the adult’s cue, without needing the verbal reminder.
In a new place, checks the adult’s face/gesture before touching unfamiliar items, then adjusts behaviour.
Accepts a boundary and chooses between two offered alternatives (two toys/two routes) without escalating.
