8–20 monthsSelf-RegulationPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour
Growing sense of will and determination may result in feelings of anger and frustration which are difficult to handle, e.g. may have tantrums.
Observe whether the child: growing sense of will and determination may result in feelings of anger and frustration which are difficult to handle, e.g. may have tantrums.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Has occasional tantrum-like escalations (e.g., intense crying, dropping down) when a goal is blocked, and needs quick adult co-regulation to recover. Reactions are inconsistent across days and contexts.
What you might see
When an adult removes a toy, the child fusses briefly (whimpers/short cry) and settles within 30 seconds when redirected.
Shows frustration sounds or face scrunching, but does not drop to the floor or sustain intense crying.
After being told "wait," pauses and then shifts attention to another object with a simple prompt.
When denied an item, cries loudly and stiffens or throws head back, but calms within 1–2 minutes when held or spoken to.
Drops down or flops backward once, then stops when the adult offers comfort or a different activity.
Tantrum appears in one context (e.g., snack) but not others; reactions vary noticeably day to day.
Expected
On track
Tantrums occur in predictable situations (e.g., being stopped, transitions) and may last a few minutes, but the child can calm with adult support and return to play. Early communication (pointing, reaching, simple words) sometimes appears during or after the upset.
What you might see
During a transition (leaving the park), cries and resists for a few minutes, then calms after being offered a choice ("carry or walk?") and follows along.
Pushes an adult’s hand away once, then accepts a hug and quietens, returning to play shortly after.
After frustration, brings or points to an item (cup/shoe) to communicate what they want rather than only crying.
Exceeding
Going further
Experiences frustration and may still tantrum, but more often accepts comfort and limits, recovers faster, and can tolerate small delays with support. Uses simple signals (gesture/word) to seek help before escalation in familiar routines.
What you might see
When told "no" with a calm boundary, pauses, looks to the adult, and accepts comfort/redirection without escalating most times.
Tantrum intensity reduces: crying becomes shorter and stops once the adult labels and supports ("You’re cross; cuddle then try again").
Seeks adult help (reaches arms up/comes over) before the situation becomes a full tantrum in familiar routines.
When frustrated by a toy not working, tries again briefly, then brings it to an adult or points and vocalises for help instead of escalating.
Accepts an alternative (different snack/toy) after brief protest and resumes engagement within a minute.
In a new place, shows frustration but quickly uses a familiar soothing routine (seeks key adult, holds comfort item) and recovers.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
Transition: When it’s time to stop a preferred activity (leaving the bath/park), notice whether your child escalates into a tantrum or can calm with your support and move on.
Play: Offer a toy that’s hard to use (lid to open, stacking cup) and watch whether frustration becomes intense crying/dropping down, or whether they seek help/try again.
Mealtime: When you say “all done” or delay a snack for a short moment, notice if your child can wait with reassurance or becomes difficult to soothe.
Boundaries: Gently block an unsafe action (“no, stop” with a hand signal) and observe whether your child can pause and accept comfort/redirection.
Story/quiet time: If you stop reading for a moment or turn the page they didn’t want, notice how quickly they recover and re-engage after upset.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the Early Years Foundation Stage (Early Education, 2012) — Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour (8–20 months).
Defines the observable behaviour statement used as the construct anchor for EYFS observation.
Developmental research
Kopp, C. B. (1982). Antecedents of self-regulation: A developmental perspective. Developmental Psychology, 18(2), 199–214.
Grounds early emotion/behaviour regulation as developing from adult-supported control toward increasing self-regulation in toddlerhood.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Shows brief protest when frustrated but recovers quickly with minimal support, without escalating into a tantrum. Anger/frustration does not become difficult to handle.
When an adult removes a toy, the child fusses briefly (whimpers/short cry) and settles within 30 seconds when redirected.
Shows frustration sounds or face scrunching, but does not drop to the floor or sustain intense crying.
After being told "wait," pauses and then shifts attention to another object with a simple prompt.
Emerging
Has occasional tantrum-like escalations (e.g., intense crying, dropping down) when a goal is blocked, and needs quick adult co-regulation to recover. Reactions are inconsistent across days and contexts.
When denied an item, cries loudly and stiffens or throws head back, but calms within 1–2 minutes when held or spoken to.
Drops down or flops backward once, then stops when the adult offers comfort or a different activity.
Tantrum appears in one context (e.g., snack) but not others; reactions vary noticeably day to day.
Developing
Tantrums occur in predictable situations (e.g., being stopped, transitions) and may last a few minutes, but the child can calm with adult support and return to play. Early communication (pointing, reaching, simple words) sometimes appears during or after the upset.
During a transition (leaving the park), cries and resists for a few minutes, then calms after being offered a choice ("carry or walk?") and follows along.
Pushes an adult’s hand away once, then accepts a hug and quietens, returning to play shortly after.
After frustration, brings or points to an item (cup/shoe) to communicate what they want rather than only crying.
Secure
Experiences frustration and may still tantrum, but more often accepts comfort and limits, recovers faster, and can tolerate small delays with support. Uses simple signals (gesture/word) to seek help before escalation in familiar routines.
When told "no" with a calm boundary, pauses, looks to the adult, and accepts comfort/redirection without escalating most times.
Tantrum intensity reduces: crying becomes shorter and stops once the adult labels and supports ("You’re cross; cuddle then try again").
Seeks adult help (reaches arms up/comes over) before the situation becomes a full tantrum in familiar routines.
Reflexive
Shows increasing flexible coping: seeks a trusted adult early, accepts alternatives, and recovers quickly enough to re-engage without prolonged distress across varied settings. Uses communication (gesture/words) to negotiate needs and reduces tantrum intensity through learned strategies.
When frustrated by a toy not working, tries again briefly, then brings it to an adult or points and vocalises for help instead of escalating.
Accepts an alternative (different snack/toy) after brief protest and resumes engagement within a minute.
In a new place, shows frustration but quickly uses a familiar soothing routine (seeks key adult, holds comfort item) and recovers.
