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8–20 monthsSelf-Regulation

Begins to learn that some things are theirs, some things are shared, and some things belong to other people.

Observe whether the child: begins to learn that some things are theirs, some things are shared, and some things belong to other people.

What it looks like

Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.

Emerging

Just starting

Shows early possessive awareness (guarding a toy, protesting when it’s taken) and may recognise a few personal items, but does not reliably respect others’ belongings. Needs adult guidance to manage sharing moments.

What you might see

  • Grabs another person’s item (cup/phone/toy) and keeps hold without pausing when told it belongs to someone else.
  • Takes toys from a basket one after another without showing preference for “my” items versus shared ones.
  • Does not respond to “give it back to X” even with pointing, and continues to hold the object.
  • Clutches a preferred toy to chest and cries when someone tries to take it, showing early possessiveness.
  • Recognises one or two personal items (blanket/bottle) and looks for them when missing.
  • Will hand an item over only when the adult physically guides the hand and repeats the prompt.

Expected

On track

In familiar routines, begins to respond to simple ownership language ("mine/yours/daddy’s") and can hand back or swap with support. Shares briefly when prompted and can participate in short turn-taking games.

What you might see

  • When told “that’s daddy’s,” looks at the adult and hands over the object with a second prompt and gesture.
  • Offers a toy to an adult for a moment, then takes it back (early sharing attempts).
  • In a simple turn-taking game (rolling a ball), waits briefly until the adult rolls it back.

Exceeding

Going further

Consistently differentiates many everyday items as own/shared/others in familiar contexts, and usually returns or refrains from taking others’ things when reminded. Can share or take turns for short periods with encouragement.

What you might see

  • Chooses and brings their own named item when asked (“your shoes/your cup”).
  • When reminded “that’s your friend’s,” releases the object and watches it go without a major struggle most times.
  • Shares a snack/toy when prompted (“give one to…”), then continues playing.
  • Spontaneously offers a toy to another child/adult and waits to get it back in a simple exchange.
  • Points to an object and vocalises/uses a word to ask rather than taking it from someone’s hands.
  • Returns an item to its owner without being asked after noticing the adult’s cue (owner reaching/looking).

Try this at home

Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.

  • Mealtime: Put out two cups/spoons (“your cup” and “my cup”) and notice whether your child can choose the right one and accept reminders when reaching for someone else’s.

  • Play: During a shared toy moment, say “turns” and watch whether your child can hand over briefly and wait for it to come back with support.

  • Tidy-up: Ask your child to put “your toys” in one box and “mummy’s/daddy’s things” in another (very simple), and observe whether they respond to the labels.

  • Out-and-about: If your child reaches for something that belongs to someone else (bag/phone), gently label it and notice whether they can release it when prompted.

  • Bath/bedtime: Use a comfort item (“your blanket”) and see whether your child looks for it specifically and shows awareness it is theirs.

Connected behaviours

Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.

Where this comes from

The framework source and supporting developmental research.

Framework source

  • Development Matters in the Early Years Foundation Stage (Early Education, 2012) — Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour (8–20 months).

    Provides the EYFS framework-native wording for early ownership/sharing understanding.

Developmental research

  • Brownell, C. A., Iesue, S. S., Nichols, S. R., & Svetlova, M. (2013). Mine or yours? Development of sharing in toddlers in relation to ownership understanding. Child Development, 84(3), 906–920.

    Links toddlers’ emerging ownership understanding with early sharing and non-sharing behaviours, supporting this construct’s developmental grounding.

Five-level rubric (detailed)Show

The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.

Not Yet
Treats most objects as equally available and does not yet show a consistent difference between own, shared, and others’ belongings. Grabbing and holding on is the main strategy in object situations.
  • Grabs another person’s item (cup/phone/toy) and keeps hold without pausing when told it belongs to someone else.
  • Takes toys from a basket one after another without showing preference for “my” items versus shared ones.
  • Does not respond to “give it back to X” even with pointing, and continues to hold the object.
Emerging
Shows early possessive awareness (guarding a toy, protesting when it’s taken) and may recognise a few personal items, but does not reliably respect others’ belongings. Needs adult guidance to manage sharing moments.
  • Clutches a preferred toy to chest and cries when someone tries to take it, showing early possessiveness.
  • Recognises one or two personal items (blanket/bottle) and looks for them when missing.
  • Will hand an item over only when the adult physically guides the hand and repeats the prompt.
Developing
In familiar routines, begins to respond to simple ownership language ("mine/yours/daddy’s") and can hand back or swap with support. Shares briefly when prompted and can participate in short turn-taking games.
  • When told “that’s daddy’s,” looks at the adult and hands over the object with a second prompt and gesture.
  • Offers a toy to an adult for a moment, then takes it back (early sharing attempts).
  • In a simple turn-taking game (rolling a ball), waits briefly until the adult rolls it back.
Secure
Consistently differentiates many everyday items as own/shared/others in familiar contexts, and usually returns or refrains from taking others’ things when reminded. Can share or take turns for short periods with encouragement.
  • Chooses and brings their own named item when asked (“your shoes/your cup”).
  • When reminded “that’s your friend’s,” releases the object and watches it go without a major struggle most times.
  • Shares a snack/toy when prompted (“give one to…”), then continues playing.
Reflexive
Applies ownership understanding flexibly across contexts: notices what belongs to others, initiates sharing/turn-taking, and can cope with mild disappointment when asked to return an item. Uses words/gestures to negotiate (offer, swap, ask) rather than grabbing.
  • Spontaneously offers a toy to another child/adult and waits to get it back in a simple exchange.
  • Points to an object and vocalises/uses a word to ask rather than taking it from someone’s hands.
  • Returns an item to its owner without being asked after noticing the adult’s cue (owner reaching/looking).