30–50 monthsBuilding RelationshipsPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Making relationships
Takes steps to resolve conflicts with other children, e.g. finding a compromise.
Observe whether the child: takes steps to resolve conflicts with other children, e.g. finding a compromise.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Shows early attempts to manage conflict (says 'mine', 'stop', or looks for an adult) but compromise is rare and emotions quickly escalate.
What you might see
When another child takes a toy, immediately grabs it back or shouts without trying words first.
Walks away from a disagreement and does not return to the play or attempt to repair.
Calls for an adult immediately without trying any peer-to-peer solution.
Says 'mine!' or 'no!' and holds the toy tightly, but does not suggest a solution.
Looks between the peer and an adult for help, but cannot state what would make it fair.
Stops the conflict briefly when prompted, then re-starts the disagreement within a minute.
Expected
On track
With adult support and in familiar situations, uses simple conflict-resolution steps (takes turns, swaps, asks for help) and can accept a basic compromise.
What you might see
With a prompt, suggests a simple compromise ('you first then me') and follows it for a short time.
Offers a swap when an adult names the option ('You can have this one') and accepts the swap.
Uses a short phrase to negotiate ('Can I have it after?') when supported by an adult nearby.
Exceeding
Going further
Independently uses words and simple strategies to resolve many peer conflicts (suggests turn-taking, offers an alternative, checks agreement) and returns to play.
What you might see
Proposes turn-taking without adult instruction ('Timer', 'my turn next') and waits for their turn.
Offers an alternative to keep play going ('You have the red, I take blue') and returns to shared play.
Uses calm words to state the problem and solution ('I was using it; can we share?').
Suggests more than one option ('We can swap or we can take turns') and checks what the other child wants.
Helps two peers calm down by naming the issue and proposing a fair plan ('One each, then swap').
After a disagreement, repairs the relationship (offers the toy back later, invites the peer to play again).
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
During a playdate, put out one high-interest toy and notice whether your child suggests turn-taking or a swap when both children want it.
At the park, watch how your child responds if a peer interrupts their game; notice whether they use words to solve it rather than grabbing or leaving.
During shared craft time with a sibling/peer, offer limited materials (one glue stick) and notice whether your child proposes a fair plan ('you then me').
During a routine transition (leaving the house), notice whether your child can negotiate with a sibling about who goes first through the door without escalating.
When a conflict starts, pause before stepping in and notice whether your child tries any solution independently (asking, offering another item, suggesting turns).
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012) (DM2012), Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Making relationships.
This construct is a framework-native observable behaviour statement intended for formative assessment within the EYFS developmental continuum.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
When conflict happens, relies on grabbing, shouting, or withdrawing; does not attempt to negotiate or repair the interaction.
When another child takes a toy, immediately grabs it back or shouts without trying words first.
Walks away from a disagreement and does not return to the play or attempt to repair.
Calls for an adult immediately without trying any peer-to-peer solution.
Emerging
Shows early attempts to manage conflict (says 'mine', 'stop', or looks for an adult) but compromise is rare and emotions quickly escalate.
Says 'mine!' or 'no!' and holds the toy tightly, but does not suggest a solution.
Looks between the peer and an adult for help, but cannot state what would make it fair.
Stops the conflict briefly when prompted, then re-starts the disagreement within a minute.
Developing
With adult support and in familiar situations, uses simple conflict-resolution steps (takes turns, swaps, asks for help) and can accept a basic compromise.
With a prompt, suggests a simple compromise ('you first then me') and follows it for a short time.
Offers a swap when an adult names the option ('You can have this one') and accepts the swap.
Uses a short phrase to negotiate ('Can I have it after?') when supported by an adult nearby.
Secure
Independently uses words and simple strategies to resolve many peer conflicts (suggests turn-taking, offers an alternative, checks agreement) and returns to play.
Proposes turn-taking without adult instruction ('Timer', 'my turn next') and waits for their turn.
Offers an alternative to keep play going ('You have the red, I take blue') and returns to shared play.
Uses calm words to state the problem and solution ('I was using it; can we share?').
Reflexive
Uses flexible, fair strategies and can help peers resolve disagreements (suggests options, keeps calm, repairs friendship), seeking adult help only when needed.
Suggests more than one option ('We can swap or we can take turns') and checks what the other child wants.
Helps two peers calm down by naming the issue and proposing a fair plan ('One each, then swap').
After a disagreement, repairs the relationship (offers the toy back later, invites the peer to play again).
