8–20 monthsBuilding RelationshipsPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Making relationships
Builds relationships with special people.
Observe whether the child: builds relationships with special people.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
The child shows some preference for familiar people (smiles more, calms more quickly) but the pattern is inconsistent or limited to one context. The child may accept comfort but does not reliably seek out special people for shared interaction.
What you might see
The child does not orient toward familiar people on arrival and shows little change in affect when they appear.
When upset, the child does not seek comfort from a specific person and remains inconsolable or indifferent.
The child rarely initiates interaction (smiles, reaches, brings objects) with any particular familiar person.
The child smiles more at one familiar person but does not approach or reach out reliably.
The child accepts comfort from a familiar person but does not look for them when distressed.
The child shows preference only in one setting (e.g., home) but not in another (e.g., nursery drop-off).
Expected
On track
The child shows clear attachment-like behaviours with one or more special people (seeks proximity, enjoys shared routines, looks for them when upset). Relationships are most evident in familiar routines and may fluctuate with tiredness or change.
What you might see
The child reaches toward a familiar person when they enter the room and vocalises in greeting.
When upset, the child moves toward a specific familiar person for a cuddle and calms within a short time.
The child brings a toy to a familiar person to share and looks at their face for reaction.
Exceeding
Going further
The child consistently builds and maintains relationships with several special people (caregivers/key person/close family), showing warmth, shared enjoyment, and seeking comfort appropriately. They use these relationships to support regulation and exploration.
What you might see
The child greets special people warmly (smile, reach, vocalise) and seeks them out during the day.
After a minor bump or scare, the child goes to a special person for comfort, then returns to play.
The child engages in shared routines (peekaboo, song, book) with special people and initiates repeats.
After separation, the child reconnects (seeks a brief hug/hand-hold) and then resumes activity confidently.
The child includes a special person in play by offering a role or object, then checks back during play.
If there is a misunderstanding, the child uses simple repair with a special person (returns, offers a toy, cuddles) and re-engages.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
At pick-up/return moments, notice whether your child shows a clear preference for certain people (smiles, reaches, vocalises, moves toward them).
When your child is upset (tired, bumped, frustrated), observe whether they seek comfort from a particular familiar person and how quickly they settle with them.
During play, notice whether your child brings objects to a special person to share interest (showing, offering, looking for a reaction).
At bedtime or calming routines, notice whether your child seeks specific people for familiar soothing patterns (song, cuddle, story).
When meeting familiar adults outside the usual place (e.g., key person in the community), observe whether your child recognises and reconnects.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012) — Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Making relationships (8–20 months).
The construct specifies relationship formation as a foundational observable behaviour supporting regulation, exploration, and social engagement.
Developmental research
Bowlby, J. (1969/1982). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1. Attachment.
Attachment theory provides an evidence-based account of how children form selective relationships that function as a base for security and exploration.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
The child does not show clear preference for or comfort with particular familiar people, and may not seek them out for reassurance or shared enjoyment. Interactions may be brief, inconsistent, or primarily task-focused.
The child does not orient toward familiar people on arrival and shows little change in affect when they appear.
When upset, the child does not seek comfort from a specific person and remains inconsolable or indifferent.
The child rarely initiates interaction (smiles, reaches, brings objects) with any particular familiar person.
Emerging
The child shows some preference for familiar people (smiles more, calms more quickly) but the pattern is inconsistent or limited to one context. The child may accept comfort but does not reliably seek out special people for shared interaction.
The child smiles more at one familiar person but does not approach or reach out reliably.
The child accepts comfort from a familiar person but does not look for them when distressed.
The child shows preference only in one setting (e.g., home) but not in another (e.g., nursery drop-off).
Developing
The child shows clear attachment-like behaviours with one or more special people (seeks proximity, enjoys shared routines, looks for them when upset). Relationships are most evident in familiar routines and may fluctuate with tiredness or change.
The child reaches toward a familiar person when they enter the room and vocalises in greeting.
When upset, the child moves toward a specific familiar person for a cuddle and calms within a short time.
The child brings a toy to a familiar person to share and looks at their face for reaction.
Secure
The child consistently builds and maintains relationships with several special people (caregivers/key person/close family), showing warmth, shared enjoyment, and seeking comfort appropriately. They use these relationships to support regulation and exploration.
The child greets special people warmly (smile, reach, vocalise) and seeks them out during the day.
After a minor bump or scare, the child goes to a special person for comfort, then returns to play.
The child engages in shared routines (peekaboo, song, book) with special people and initiates repeats.
Reflexive
The child generalises relationship-building across settings: they reconnect after separations, use shared routines to repair, and show flexible warmth/engagement with special people. They may include special people in play and communication proactively (bringing, showing, inviting).
After separation, the child reconnects (seeks a brief hug/hand-hold) and then resumes activity confidently.
The child includes a special person in play by offering a role or object, then checks back during play.
If there is a misunderstanding, the child uses simple repair with a special person (returns, offers a toy, cuddles) and re-engages.
