Knows some of the things that make them unique, and can talk about some of the similarities and differences in relation to friends or family.
Observe whether the child: knows some of the things that make them unique, and can talk about some of the similarities and differences in relation to friends or family.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Names one or two personal features or preferences when prompted, but comparisons with friends/family are vague or inconsistent. May notice obvious differences (size, hair) without using clear comparative language.
What you might see
When asked “Tell me about you,” gives no descriptors beyond name or says “I don’t know.”
When shown two people in a photo, cannot answer “How are you the same/different?” even with prompts.
Uses possession language (“mine”) but does not use any descriptors about self (likes, features, roles).
With prompting, says one preference (“I like cars”) but cannot compare it to a friend/family member.
Points to an obvious feature (“Mummy big”) but struggles to state a clear difference/similarity.
Repeats adult comparison language (“same”/“different”) without matching it to the situation.
Expected
On track
Talks about a few things that describe them (likes, abilities, family roles) and can make simple comparisons with support (same/different) using familiar people. Can identify one similarity and one difference in a concrete way.
What you might see
Says a concrete attribute and compares with support (“I have curly hair; Daddy has short hair”).
During play, states a simple preference difference (“I like the red cup; you like blue”) after an adult prompt.
When asked about family, names a role/fact (“I live with Mum and Dad”) and adds one similarity/difference to a friend (“[Name] has a sister”).
Exceeding
Going further
Spontaneously describes multiple self-attributes (preferences, routines, family facts) and talks about similarities/differences with friends or family across contexts. Uses simple comparative language (“same as”, “different from”) appropriately.
What you might see
Spontaneously says personal preferences/identities (“I’m good at puzzles”/“I like dancing”) and links them to a family member or friend (“Nana likes dancing too”).
Uses “same”/“different” correctly when comparing foods, games, or family members (“We both like bananas; he likes apples”).
Shows awareness of different routines (“I go to nursery; my cousin stays with Grandma”) and talks about it without distress.
Explains a similarity/difference beyond appearance (“We both like building, but he likes it quiet and I like it loud”).
Notices and accommodates another child’s preference (“You don’t like that game; we can play a different one”).
Asks curious questions about differences (“Why do you eat that?”/“What language do you speak?”) in an appropriate, respectful way with adult guidance.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
At mealtime, ask: “What do you like to eat? Who else in our family likes that? Who likes something different?”
While looking at a family photo, ask: “How are you the same as [name]? How are you different?”
During play, try: “Tell me something you’re good at or like doing.” Then ask: “Who else likes that?”
At story time, ask: “How are you like this character? How are you different?”
Before a playdate or nursery day, ask: “What games do you like? What might your friend like?” Notice whether your child can hold both ideas.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012), Understanding the world: People and communities (30–50 months).
The framework explicitly frames children’s emerging self-understanding as observable talk about self and relationships with familiar others.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Does not describe personal attributes or preferences beyond very basic labels, and does not compare self with others. Responses are limited to immediate context (e.g., “mine”) rather than similarities/differences.
When asked “Tell me about you,” gives no descriptors beyond name or says “I don’t know.”
When shown two people in a photo, cannot answer “How are you the same/different?” even with prompts.
Uses possession language (“mine”) but does not use any descriptors about self (likes, features, roles).
Emerging
Names one or two personal features or preferences when prompted, but comparisons with friends/family are vague or inconsistent. May notice obvious differences (size, hair) without using clear comparative language.
With prompting, says one preference (“I like cars”) but cannot compare it to a friend/family member.
Points to an obvious feature (“Mummy big”) but struggles to state a clear difference/similarity.
Repeats adult comparison language (“same”/“different”) without matching it to the situation.
Developing
Talks about a few things that describe them (likes, abilities, family roles) and can make simple comparisons with support (same/different) using familiar people. Can identify one similarity and one difference in a concrete way.
Says a concrete attribute and compares with support (“I have curly hair; Daddy has short hair”).
During play, states a simple preference difference (“I like the red cup; you like blue”) after an adult prompt.
When asked about family, names a role/fact (“I live with Mum and Dad”) and adds one similarity/difference to a friend (“[Name] has a sister”).
Secure
Spontaneously describes multiple self-attributes (preferences, routines, family facts) and talks about similarities/differences with friends or family across contexts. Uses simple comparative language (“same as”, “different from”) appropriately.
Spontaneously says personal preferences/identities (“I’m good at puzzles”/“I like dancing”) and links them to a family member or friend (“Nana likes dancing too”).
Uses “same”/“different” correctly when comparing foods, games, or family members (“We both like bananas; he likes apples”).
Shows awareness of different routines (“I go to nursery; my cousin stays with Grandma”) and talks about it without distress.
Reflexive
Generalises the idea of similarity/difference respectfully (different families, languages, traditions) and asks curious questions. Can adjust their expectations in social play when others like different things and may help peers notice common ground.
Explains a similarity/difference beyond appearance (“We both like building, but he likes it quiet and I like it loud”).
Notices and accommodates another child’s preference (“You don’t like that game; we can play a different one”).
Asks curious questions about differences (“Why do you eat that?”/“What language do you speak?”) in an appropriate, respectful way with adult guidance.
