8–20 monthsBuilding RelationshipsPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Making relationships
Is wary of unfamiliar people.
Observe whether the child: is wary of unfamiliar people.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
The child sometimes shows wariness (pauses, stares, holds back) but responses are inconsistent across unfamiliar people or settings. They may become wary only when the unfamiliar person is very close or tries to interact directly.
What you might see
A new adult reaches out; the child smiles and leans in without looking back to a familiar adult.
The child willingly goes to an unfamiliar person’s lap without checking for their caregiver.
The child accepts being picked up by a stranger without protest or seeking reassurance.
The child stares at an unfamiliar person for a moment, then approaches without further checking.
The child shows a brief frown when greeted, but then quickly resumes normal play near the unfamiliar person.
The child becomes wary only when the unfamiliar person moves very close or speaks loudly.
Expected
On track
The child typically shows wariness with unfamiliar people (hesitates, stays close to familiar adult, looks for reassurance) but can warm up with gentle, respectful approaches. They may accept brief interaction when supported by a familiar adult.
What you might see
When an unfamiliar person speaks, the child steps behind the familiar adult’s leg and peeks out.
The child turns head away or leans into the caregiver when a stranger tries to touch their hand.
After a few minutes with caregiver present, the child accepts a waved hello or passes an object without distress.
Exceeding
Going further
The child reliably signals wariness in appropriate ways (keeps distance, seeks proximity, watches carefully) while maintaining regulation. With familiar-adult support and time, they can gradually engage on their terms without becoming overwhelmed.
What you might see
The child keeps a comfortable distance, watches the unfamiliar person, and stays regulated without crying.
If the unfamiliar person offers a toy, the child looks to the caregiver first and approaches only after reassurance.
The child gradually warms up (moves closer, smiles) when the unfamiliar person follows the child’s pace and keeps boundaries.
The child clearly signals “no” by turning away or moving back, then returns to play once space is respected.
In a new setting, the child checks in with the caregiver, then cautiously explores while monitoring unfamiliar adults.
The child warms up after repeated gentle exposure (e.g., familiar greeting routine) and can re-settle after brief anxiety.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
When someone new greets your child (at a shop, park, clinic), notice whether your child pauses, watches, and seeks closeness or eye contact with you.
If a new adult offers a toy, watch whether your child checks in with you before taking it or approaching.
At family gatherings with less familiar relatives, notice whether your child keeps a safe distance at first and warms up gradually with time and support.
During a video call with someone your child doesn’t see often, observe whether your child watches cautiously, hides briefly, or needs you close before engaging.
In a new class/playgroup, notice whether your child stays near you when unfamiliar adults approach and whether they can settle and engage once they feel safe.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012) — Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Making relationships (8–20 months).
The construct captures an observable social-discrimination and regulation behaviour commonly emerging in infancy/toddlerhood within the EYFS progression.
Developmental research
Ainsworth, M. D. S. et al. (1978). Patterns of Attachment.
Attachment research describes how children balance proximity-seeking and cautious engagement with unfamiliar adults, supported by caregiver presence.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
The child shows little or no wariness with unfamiliar people, readily approaches or accepts contact without checking for a familiar adult. They may show limited discrimination between familiar and unfamiliar people.
A new adult reaches out; the child smiles and leans in without looking back to a familiar adult.
The child willingly goes to an unfamiliar person’s lap without checking for their caregiver.
The child accepts being picked up by a stranger without protest or seeking reassurance.
Emerging
The child sometimes shows wariness (pauses, stares, holds back) but responses are inconsistent across unfamiliar people or settings. They may become wary only when the unfamiliar person is very close or tries to interact directly.
The child stares at an unfamiliar person for a moment, then approaches without further checking.
The child shows a brief frown when greeted, but then quickly resumes normal play near the unfamiliar person.
The child becomes wary only when the unfamiliar person moves very close or speaks loudly.
Developing
The child typically shows wariness with unfamiliar people (hesitates, stays close to familiar adult, looks for reassurance) but can warm up with gentle, respectful approaches. They may accept brief interaction when supported by a familiar adult.
When an unfamiliar person speaks, the child steps behind the familiar adult’s leg and peeks out.
The child turns head away or leans into the caregiver when a stranger tries to touch their hand.
After a few minutes with caregiver present, the child accepts a waved hello or passes an object without distress.
Secure
The child reliably signals wariness in appropriate ways (keeps distance, seeks proximity, watches carefully) while maintaining regulation. With familiar-adult support and time, they can gradually engage on their terms without becoming overwhelmed.
The child keeps a comfortable distance, watches the unfamiliar person, and stays regulated without crying.
If the unfamiliar person offers a toy, the child looks to the caregiver first and approaches only after reassurance.
The child gradually warms up (moves closer, smiles) when the unfamiliar person follows the child’s pace and keeps boundaries.
Reflexive
The child uses flexible, self-protective strategies: they assess unfamiliar people, set boundaries (moves away/turns away), and seek support when needed, while being able to re-engage once they feel safe. They can generalise coping strategies across settings (clinic, park, relatives).
The child clearly signals “no” by turning away or moving back, then returns to play once space is respected.
In a new setting, the child checks in with the caregiver, then cautiously explores while monitoring unfamiliar adults.
The child warms up after repeated gentle exposure (e.g., familiar greeting routine) and can re-settle after brief anxiety.
