22–36 monthsBuilding RelationshipsPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Making relationships
Shows affection and concern for people who are special to them.
Observe whether the child: shows affection and concern for people who are special to them.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Shows affection or concern occasionally, often when prompted (e.g. told to say goodbye), but responses are brief and inconsistent.
What you might see
Does not seek or offer affection to special people (moves away from hugs/hand-holding).
When a familiar adult looks upset or pretends to cry, continues playing with little change in attention.
Shows little response at reunion/separation beyond continuing their current activity.
Accepts a cuddle when offered but rarely initiates affectionate contact.
Says 'uh-oh' or looks briefly when someone is hurt, then returns to their own play.
Gives a quick kiss/hug after an adult prompt ('say bye') but does not repeat it spontaneously.
Expected
On track
Shows affection in familiar routines (greeting, bedtime) and can show simple concern for special people when supported (fetches a comfort item when prompted).
What you might see
Leans in for a goodbye hug or sits close for a familiar story routine with a special adult.
When a special person is upset, brings a comfort object after being asked ('get teddy for Mum').
Checks a special adult's face after something goes wrong (spill, bump) and moves closer for reassurance.
Exceeding
Going further
Spontaneously shows affection and offers simple comfort to special people (hug, gentle touch, bringing an item) when they seem upset or hurt.
What you might see
Initiates affection (hug, hand-hold, cuddle) with special people without being asked.
Offers simple comfort when someone special is upset (pats, brings a toy/blanket, says 'you ok?').
Shows pleasure at reunion (smiles, runs to them, brings something to show) and stays near them briefly.
Uses a gentle voice or careful touch when someone special looks sad or hurt, without adult direction.
Comforts a familiar peer as well as special adults (offers a toy, invites them to sit, fetches an adult).
Remembers what helps and repeats it next time (brings the same comfort item to a sibling who is crying).
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
At bedtime, notice whether your child offers affection spontaneously (cuddle, kiss, gentle touch) as part of the routine, without being asked.
When a special person has a minor mishap (drops something, bumps a knee), notice whether your child looks concerned and offers help or comfort.
During greetings/goodbyes (doorstep, nursery drop-off), notice whether your child shows warmth (waves, hug, 'bye') and seeks closeness appropriately.
During play, pretend a toy is 'hurt' and see whether your child shows concern (pats it, says 'poor teddy', brings a plaster/blanket).
When a familiar peer/sibling is upset, notice whether your child brings them a toy or tries to soothe them before an adult prompts.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012) (DM2012), Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Making relationships.
This construct is a framework-native observable behaviour statement intended for formative assessment within the EYFS developmental continuum.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Shows little affectionate behaviour towards special people and rarely responds to their feelings; may accept care but does not show concern or comforting actions.
Does not seek or offer affection to special people (moves away from hugs/hand-holding).
When a familiar adult looks upset or pretends to cry, continues playing with little change in attention.
Shows little response at reunion/separation beyond continuing their current activity.
Emerging
Shows affection or concern occasionally, often when prompted (e.g. told to say goodbye), but responses are brief and inconsistent.
Accepts a cuddle when offered but rarely initiates affectionate contact.
Says 'uh-oh' or looks briefly when someone is hurt, then returns to their own play.
Gives a quick kiss/hug after an adult prompt ('say bye') but does not repeat it spontaneously.
Developing
Shows affection in familiar routines (greeting, bedtime) and can show simple concern for special people when supported (fetches a comfort item when prompted).
Leans in for a goodbye hug or sits close for a familiar story routine with a special adult.
When a special person is upset, brings a comfort object after being asked ('get teddy for Mum').
Checks a special adult's face after something goes wrong (spill, bump) and moves closer for reassurance.
Secure
Spontaneously shows affection and offers simple comfort to special people (hug, gentle touch, bringing an item) when they seem upset or hurt.
Initiates affection (hug, hand-hold, cuddle) with special people without being asked.
Offers simple comfort when someone special is upset (pats, brings a toy/blanket, says 'you ok?').
Shows pleasure at reunion (smiles, runs to them, brings something to show) and stays near them briefly.
Reflexive
Notices feelings and adapts behaviour to care for others (gentle voice, offers help/comfort) and can extend concern beyond adults to familiar peers in everyday situations.
Uses a gentle voice or careful touch when someone special looks sad or hurt, without adult direction.
Comforts a familiar peer as well as special adults (offers a toy, invites them to sit, fetches an adult).
Remembers what helps and repeats it next time (brings the same comfort item to a sibling who is crying).
