Learns that they have similarities and differences that connect them to, and distinguish them from, others.
Observe whether the child: learns that they have similarities and differences that connect them to, and distinguish them from, others.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
The child notices obvious differences (e.g., size, hair) when pointed out and may label simple categories (baby/mummy). Connections to self are inconsistent and mostly immediate (mine/not mine).
What you might see
Does not look or respond when an adult points out a difference between two people in a photo.
Becomes upset when others do something differently (e.g., sits in a different seat) and cannot be reassured.
Shows no recognition of simple family/peer labels beyond immediate caregiver (no pointing to 'Daddy' or 'baby').
Points to a visible feature when prompted (e.g., touches own hair after 'Where is your hair?').
Labels a familiar role in a book/photo (e.g., 'baby' or 'mummy') but does not add details.
Notices possession differences (mine/yours) and may show interest in what another child has.
Expected
On track
The child can identify simple similarities and differences about themselves and others in familiar contexts, especially with adult support (same/different, boy/girl, big/little). The child begins to relate differences to real-life routines (who does what).
What you might see
When shown two photos, can indicate a simple difference with help (e.g., 'big'/'small' or 'hat'/'no hat').
Matches themselves to a family photo with prompting (e.g., points to self when asked 'Where are you?').
Accepts a peer doing a routine differently (different cup/coat) after an adult labels it ('Sam has blue cup').
Exceeding
Going further
The child spontaneously comments on similarities and differences and can accept them without distress (e.g., different foods, different clothes). The child uses this awareness to connect with others (copying, offering relevant items, naming shared features).
What you might see
Spontaneously says 'same' or 'different' about people or belongings (e.g., 'My shoes like yours').
Notices and names a shared interest in the moment (e.g., points to another child's car and brings their own).
Shows comfort with differences in stories (e.g., different families) and stays engaged rather than rejecting.
Uses a difference to include rather than exclude (e.g., fetches a different spoon/cup for someone who needs it).
Compares self and a peer in a positive way (e.g., 'We both jump' or 'I small, you big') without upset.
In pretend play, assigns roles that reflect real differences (baby/parent) while keeping the play connected.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
During story time, pause on pictures of people and ask: 'What is the same? What is different?' and notice what your child points to or labels.
At mealtime, name a simple preference difference ('You like yogurt; I like fruit') and see whether your child accepts and repeats the idea.
When getting dressed, compare items ('Your socks are stripy; mine are plain') and watch whether your child looks, points, or comments.
On a walk, notice whether your child shows interest in people doing different things (pushing a pram, wearing a uniform) and whether they reference it later.
During play with others, observe whether your child uses 'same'/'different' ideas to connect (copying, bringing a matching toy) rather than to protest.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS) (DfE, 2012).
The construct is a framework-native statement describing early social categorisation and connection within relationships.
Developmental research
Bronfenbrenner, U. (1979). The Ecology of Human Development: Experiments by Nature and Design.
Understanding self-in-relation-to-others develops within everyday family and community settings where roles, routines, and relationships are experienced.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
The child shows little awareness of other people as similar or different and rarely attends to comparisons. The child mainly treats others as obstacles or helpers rather than as individuals with attributes.
Does not look or respond when an adult points out a difference between two people in a photo.
Becomes upset when others do something differently (e.g., sits in a different seat) and cannot be reassured.
Shows no recognition of simple family/peer labels beyond immediate caregiver (no pointing to 'Daddy' or 'baby').
Emerging
The child notices obvious differences (e.g., size, hair) when pointed out and may label simple categories (baby/mummy). Connections to self are inconsistent and mostly immediate (mine/not mine).
Points to a visible feature when prompted (e.g., touches own hair after 'Where is your hair?').
Labels a familiar role in a book/photo (e.g., 'baby' or 'mummy') but does not add details.
Notices possession differences (mine/yours) and may show interest in what another child has.
Developing
The child can identify simple similarities and differences about themselves and others in familiar contexts, especially with adult support (same/different, boy/girl, big/little). The child begins to relate differences to real-life routines (who does what).
When shown two photos, can indicate a simple difference with help (e.g., 'big'/'small' or 'hat'/'no hat').
Matches themselves to a family photo with prompting (e.g., points to self when asked 'Where are you?').
Accepts a peer doing a routine differently (different cup/coat) after an adult labels it ('Sam has blue cup').
Secure
The child spontaneously comments on similarities and differences and can accept them without distress (e.g., different foods, different clothes). The child uses this awareness to connect with others (copying, offering relevant items, naming shared features).
Spontaneously says 'same' or 'different' about people or belongings (e.g., 'My shoes like yours').
Notices and names a shared interest in the moment (e.g., points to another child's car and brings their own).
Shows comfort with differences in stories (e.g., different families) and stays engaged rather than rejecting.
Reflexive
The child generalises this understanding across settings and uses it in prosocial ways (including others, showing respect for differences). The child can explain a simple difference ('He has glasses') and still seek connection ('We both like cars').
Uses a difference to include rather than exclude (e.g., fetches a different spoon/cup for someone who needs it).
Compares self and a peer in a positive way (e.g., 'We both jump' or 'I small, you big') without upset.
In pretend play, assigns roles that reflect real differences (baby/parent) while keeping the play connected.
