40–60 monthsSelf-RegulationPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour
Understands that own actions affect other people, for example, becomes upset or tries to comfort another child when they realise they have upset them.
Observe whether the child: understands that own actions affect other people, for example, becomes upset or tries to comfort another child when they realise they have upset them.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
With adult feedback, begins to notice another person’s reaction and may show brief concern, but needs prompting to connect cause and effect and repair.
What you might see
After knocking over someone’s work, walks away or laughs and refuses to engage when the other child cries.
Says “I didn’t do it” despite being observed, and does not offer help to fix the problem.
Continues the same behaviour (teasing/rough play) even when asked to stop because it is upsetting others.
Looks worried when an adult says “that made them sad,” but does not act unless prompted.
Says “sorry” when told, but does not change behaviour or attempt to help fix it.
Offers comfort briefly (pat/hug) only after an adult suggests it.
Expected
On track
Often recognises when they have caused upset and attempts a simple repair (sorry, give back, gentle touch), sometimes needing support to follow through.
What you might see
Says “I hurt you” or “are you ok?” after an incident, and offers a simple repair with prompting.
Gives back an item they took after being reminded and then tries to re-join play calmly.
Helps rebuild/clean up after an accident when an adult prompts “how can we fix it?”
Exceeding
Going further
Consistently understands impact and initiates appropriate repair (apology, comfort, making amends) without needing adult direction in most situations.
What you might see
Stops the behaviour when noticing upset and apologises without being told.
Offers a meaningful repair (returns item, helps rebuild, gets tissue/plaster) and checks if the person is ok.
Changes future behaviour (gentler hands, kinder words) after realising impact.
Pauses before acting and states concern (e.g., “that might hurt”) and chooses an alternative.
Helps peers resolve after conflict (encourages apology/repair) without blaming or escalating.
Uses perspective-taking language (e.g., “she didn’t like that”) and proposes kinder options proactively.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
During play, if your child accidentally breaks or knocks something down, notice whether they try to repair it (help rebuild, apologise) without being prompted.
When someone says “that hurt” (physical or feelings), observe whether your child changes behaviour and checks the other person is ok.
During pretend play, act out a character being upset because of another’s action—see if your child explains the cause and suggests repair.
On a playdate, watch whether your child can recognise their part in a conflict and make amends (give back, say sorry, offer comfort).
At story time, pause and ask “what did they do that made the other person sad?” and “what could they do to fix it?”
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012), DfE — Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Managing feelings and behaviour (40–60+ months).
Framework-native indicators include understanding behavioural impact on others and repairing relationships when upset is caused.
Developmental research
Hoffman, M. L. (2000). Empathy and Moral Development: Implications for Caring and Justice. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. doi:10.1017/CBO9780511805851
Empathy development accounts describe increasing concern for consequences to others and motivation to repair harm.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Does not recognise or accept that their actions affect others; may deny responsibility and does not attempt repair when someone is upset.
After knocking over someone’s work, walks away or laughs and refuses to engage when the other child cries.
Says “I didn’t do it” despite being observed, and does not offer help to fix the problem.
Continues the same behaviour (teasing/rough play) even when asked to stop because it is upsetting others.
Emerging
With adult feedback, begins to notice another person’s reaction and may show brief concern, but needs prompting to connect cause and effect and repair.
Looks worried when an adult says “that made them sad,” but does not act unless prompted.
Says “sorry” when told, but does not change behaviour or attempt to help fix it.
Offers comfort briefly (pat/hug) only after an adult suggests it.
Developing
Often recognises when they have caused upset and attempts a simple repair (sorry, give back, gentle touch), sometimes needing support to follow through.
Says “I hurt you” or “are you ok?” after an incident, and offers a simple repair with prompting.
Gives back an item they took after being reminded and then tries to re-join play calmly.
Helps rebuild/clean up after an accident when an adult prompts “how can we fix it?”
Secure
Consistently understands impact and initiates appropriate repair (apology, comfort, making amends) without needing adult direction in most situations.
Stops the behaviour when noticing upset and apologises without being told.
Offers a meaningful repair (returns item, helps rebuild, gets tissue/plaster) and checks if the person is ok.
Changes future behaviour (gentler hands, kinder words) after realising impact.
Reflexive
Anticipates impact before acting, prevents harm, and supports peers to repair relationships and consider others’ feelings.
Pauses before acting and states concern (e.g., “that might hurt”) and chooses an alternative.
Helps peers resolve after conflict (encourages apology/repair) without blaming or escalating.
Uses perspective-taking language (e.g., “she didn’t like that”) and proposes kinder options proactively.
