40–60 monthsManaging SelfPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Self-confidence and self-awareness
Confident to speak to others about own needs, wants, interests and opinions.
Observe whether the child: confident to speak to others about own needs, wants, interests and opinions.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Expresses basic needs or wants in a limited way to familiar adults, but is hesitant with peers or in groups. Often needs direct prompting to share interests or opinions.
What you might see
Does not tell an adult they need the toilet/drink and instead becomes upset or waits silently.
When asked to choose an activity, says "I don't know" or copies another child rather than stating a preference.
Avoids speaking to a peer who has taken a toy and does not seek help or express what they want.
Tells a familiar adult a basic need (e.g., "drink") but whispers or looks away when speaking.
Says "I want that" when prompted but struggles to say what they want to do next.
Shares an interest only after repeated questions (e.g., only says "dinosaurs" after several prompts).
Expected
On track
Speaks about needs, wants, interests and simple opinions in familiar contexts, especially when asked. Confidence drops in less familiar situations or when opinions differ from others.
What you might see
Says, "I want the red one" or "I want to play outside" when offered choices in a familiar setting.
Tells an adult, "I don't like it" about a food/activity when asked, without elaborating.
Tells a peer, "I'm using this" or "Can I have a turn after you?" with adult nearby.
Exceeding
Going further
Initiates clear communication about needs, wants, interests and opinions across everyday contexts and with different people. Can give a simple reason for preferences and can negotiate choices respectfully.
What you might see
Says, "I need help with this part" and points to the specific problem (e.g., a stuck lid).
Explains a preference: "I like painting more because I can mix colours."
Negotiates with a peer: "You can be the driver first and then it's my turn."
Tells an adult a need plus a plan: "I'm getting too hot; I want to take my jumper off."
Offers an alternative opinion politely: "I don't think that will work; what if we use the big blocks?"
Advocates for a peer: "She wants a turn too; we can make a list."
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
At mealtime, offer two choices and notice whether your child states what they want and can add a simple reason ("because...").
During play, pause and ask: "What do you want to do next?" and observe whether your child gives a clear answer without copying others.
When a small problem happens (toy stuck, puzzle hard), notice whether your child asks for help specifically or tries to manage it silently.
At bedtime story time, ask: "Which part was your favourite and why?" and listen for opinions plus reasons.
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012), Department for Education (DfE).
This construct is taken directly from DM2012 self-confidence and self-awareness guidance and is designed to be observed through everyday communication and choice-making.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Rarely expresses needs, wants, interests, or opinions to others and relies on adults to interpret for them. May avoid speaking up even when uncomfortable or when choices are offered.
Does not tell an adult they need the toilet/drink and instead becomes upset or waits silently.
When asked to choose an activity, says "I don't know" or copies another child rather than stating a preference.
Avoids speaking to a peer who has taken a toy and does not seek help or express what they want.
Emerging
Expresses basic needs or wants in a limited way to familiar adults, but is hesitant with peers or in groups. Often needs direct prompting to share interests or opinions.
Tells a familiar adult a basic need (e.g., "drink") but whispers or looks away when speaking.
Says "I want that" when prompted but struggles to say what they want to do next.
Shares an interest only after repeated questions (e.g., only says "dinosaurs" after several prompts).
Developing
Speaks about needs, wants, interests and simple opinions in familiar contexts, especially when asked. Confidence drops in less familiar situations or when opinions differ from others.
Says, "I want the red one" or "I want to play outside" when offered choices in a familiar setting.
Tells an adult, "I don't like it" about a food/activity when asked, without elaborating.
Tells a peer, "I'm using this" or "Can I have a turn after you?" with adult nearby.
Secure
Initiates clear communication about needs, wants, interests and opinions across everyday contexts and with different people. Can give a simple reason for preferences and can negotiate choices respectfully.
Says, "I need help with this part" and points to the specific problem (e.g., a stuck lid).
Explains a preference: "I like painting more because I can mix colours."
Negotiates with a peer: "You can be the driver first and then it's my turn."
Reflexive
Communicates confidently and flexibly, adjusting what they say for the listener and situation. Can explain reasons, suggest alternatives, and advocate for themselves (and sometimes others) without becoming distressed.
Tells an adult a need plus a plan: "I'm getting too hot; I want to take my jumper off."
Offers an alternative opinion politely: "I don't think that will work; what if we use the big blocks?"
Advocates for a peer: "She wants a turn too; we can make a list."
