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Birth–11 monthsBuilding Relationships

Likes cuddles and being held: calms, snuggles in, smiles, gazes at carer’s face or strokes carer’s skin.

Observe whether the child: likes cuddles and being held: calms, snuggles in, smiles, gazes at carer’s face or strokes carer’s skin.

What it looks like

Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.

Emerging

Just starting

The child sometimes settles when held but only briefly or only with continuous rocking/patting; smiles or face-gazing appear intermittently.

What you might see

  • When picked up, the child arches their back or stays rigid rather than relaxing into the carer’s body.
  • Crying/fussing continues for more than 30 seconds after being held in a typical soothing position.
  • The child turns their face away and avoids looking at the carer’s face during holding.
  • The child calms only while the carer is actively rocking/bouncing; distress returns quickly when movement stops.
  • The child briefly rests into the carer then squirms away within 10–15 seconds.
  • A quick smile or brief gaze to the carer’s face appears once or twice, but is not sustained.

Expected

On track

The child calms and snuggles in when held by their main carer in calm, familiar routines, with brief eye contact and occasional gentle touch.

What you might see

  • The child stops fussing within about 30 seconds of being held by the main carer in a quiet moment.
  • The child leans their head or chest into the carer and stays cuddled for at least 15–30 seconds.
  • The child gazes at the carer’s face briefly and touches the carer’s skin or clothing with an open hand.

Exceeding

Going further

The child actively seeks being held and reliably calms, snuggles in, and shows pleasure (smiling, face-gazing, stroking skin) across everyday routines.

What you might see

  • The child lifts arms/leans toward the carer to be picked up, especially during transitions (e.g., tired or startled moments).
  • Once held, the child visibly relaxes (soft body, settled breathing) and smiles or vocalizes at the carer’s face.
  • The child strokes/pats the carer’s skin or gently explores the carer’s face/hair while staying calm.
  • The child crawls/comes for a brief cuddle, then goes back to play and looks back to check the carer is still there.
  • If a new person enters, the child seeks a cuddle, settles, then re-orients to the room and explores again.
  • The child initiates affection by patting/stroking the carer’s arm/hand and watching the carer’s face for response.

Try this at home

Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.

  • After a feed or when your baby seems tired, hold them close for 30 seconds and notice whether they soften their body, snuggle in, and look at your face.

  • During a slightly stressful moment (e.g., a loud noise), pick your baby up and observe whether they calm and stay cuddled, and whether they reach to touch your skin/hand.

  • At bedtime, pause with your baby held upright and see whether they rest their head on you, smile, or gaze at your face rather than wriggling away immediately.

  • During play, offer a cuddle break and watch whether your baby uses the cuddle to reset, then returns to explore.

  • When another familiar adult holds your baby, notice whether they can settle in a similar way (even if they still show a clear preference for the main carer).

Connected behaviours

Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.

Where this comes from

The framework source and supporting developmental research.

Framework source

  • Development Matters in the EYFS (2012), Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Making relationships (birth–11 months).

    This construct is a framework-native observable describing early co-regulation and affectionate engagement with a key adult.

Developmental research

  • Bowlby (1969/1982), Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1 Attachment; Ainsworth et al. (1978), Patterns of Attachment.

    Attachment research grounds the importance of comfort-seeking, calming with a caregiver, and affective engagement as core early relational behaviors.

Five-level rubric (detailed)Show

The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.

Not Yet
When held by a familiar carer, the child often stays distressed or stiff and does not relax into the cuddle; little warm gaze or affectionate touch is seen.
  • When picked up, the child arches their back or stays rigid rather than relaxing into the carer’s body.
  • Crying/fussing continues for more than 30 seconds after being held in a typical soothing position.
  • The child turns their face away and avoids looking at the carer’s face during holding.
Emerging
The child sometimes settles when held but only briefly or only with continuous rocking/patting; smiles or face-gazing appear intermittently.
  • The child calms only while the carer is actively rocking/bouncing; distress returns quickly when movement stops.
  • The child briefly rests into the carer then squirms away within 10–15 seconds.
  • A quick smile or brief gaze to the carer’s face appears once or twice, but is not sustained.
Developing
The child calms and snuggles in when held by their main carer in calm, familiar routines, with brief eye contact and occasional gentle touch.
  • The child stops fussing within about 30 seconds of being held by the main carer in a quiet moment.
  • The child leans their head or chest into the carer and stays cuddled for at least 15–30 seconds.
  • The child gazes at the carer’s face briefly and touches the carer’s skin or clothing with an open hand.
Secure
The child actively seeks being held and reliably calms, snuggles in, and shows pleasure (smiling, face-gazing, stroking skin) across everyday routines.
  • The child lifts arms/leans toward the carer to be picked up, especially during transitions (e.g., tired or startled moments).
  • Once held, the child visibly relaxes (soft body, settled breathing) and smiles or vocalizes at the carer’s face.
  • The child strokes/pats the carer’s skin or gently explores the carer’s face/hair while staying calm.
Reflexive
The child uses cuddles as a secure base (checks in for comfort then re-engages with play), initiates affectionate touch, and can accept comfort from more than one trusted adult.
  • The child crawls/comes for a brief cuddle, then goes back to play and looks back to check the carer is still there.
  • If a new person enters, the child seeks a cuddle, settles, then re-orients to the room and explores again.
  • The child initiates affection by patting/stroking the carer’s arm/hand and watching the carer’s face for response.