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returns to calm after a challenge with trusted support

Observe whether the child: returns to calm after a challenge with trusted support.

What it looks like

Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.

Emerging

Just starting

When the situation is concrete, the child begins to show feelings and trusted support. A trusted person can see a first step, look, reach, word, or material choice.

What you might see

  • The child moves close to a trusted adult and nods when the adult names the feeling.
  • When a turn is delayed, the child frowns, says one word, and accepts a timer.
  • The child lets an adult offer two choices and reaches for one.

Expected

On track

The child shows the focus in action by using available materials and relationships to meet the immediate need.

What you might see

  • The child says “I need help” and brings the stuck item to an adult before yelling.
  • The child chooses the quiet cushion after covering ears during a loud song.
  • The child accepts a plan for a later turn.

Exceeding

Going further

The child compares options, selects a workable next step, and supports someone else to participate.

What you might see

  • The child explains what caused the upset and asks for a timer so both children can have a turn.
  • The child tells an adult what support would help during a difficult transition.
  • The child suggests a repair, such as giving back the toy and trying a different role.

Try this at home

Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.

  • Leave quiet cushion within reach in a familiar waiting, comfort, conflict, or settling moment. Watch for initiative, hesitation, help-seeking, or a changed plan.

  • Ask the child to choose what stays and what changes; look for ownership, persistence, comparison, or compromise.

Where this comes from

The dataset source and any supporting developmental research.

  • Ministry of Education. (2017). Te Whāriki: He whāriki mātauranga mō ngā mokopuna o Aotearoa: Early childhood curriculum.

    The bicultural early childhood curriculum of Aotearoa New Zealand. Te Tāhuhu o te Mātauranga (NZ Ministry of Education), 2017 revision.