22–36 monthsManaging SelfPersonal, Social and Emotional Development: Self-confidence and self-awareness
Expresses own preferences and interests.
Observe whether the child: expresses own preferences and interests.
What it looks like
Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.
Emerging
Just starting
Shows preferences mainly through gestures (reaching, pushing away) or brief single words, and preferences may change quickly. Needs adult support to translate signals into choices.
What you might see
Does not choose when offered two options; looks away or waits for an adult to decide.
Pushes items away and cries rather than indicating what they want instead.
Moves between activities without showing a consistent interest or returning to a favourite.
Reaches for one option and then quickly drops it and grabs the other within seconds.
Uses 'no' frequently without offering an alternative (no pointing/choosing after refusal).
Shows preference by bringing a favourite item to an adult but cannot yet name it.
Expected
On track
Communicates preferences in familiar contexts (e.g., chooses between two options) and shows sustained interest in some activities. Uses simple language/signs such as 'want', 'more', 'no' with adult scaffolding.
What you might see
Points to a preferred book/toy when asked 'which one?' and takes it to play.
Says or signs 'more' for a preferred song/snack and waits for the adult response.
Chooses a familiar activity (e.g., cars) and stays with it for several minutes.
Exceeding
Going further
Clearly expresses likes, dislikes, and interests across contexts and can make choices without becoming overwhelmed. Can say 'no' appropriately and maintain engagement with a chosen activity.
What you might see
States a preference ('blocks') and goes to the area to start without needing repeated prompts.
Declines politely ('no thank you') and selects a different option when offered choices.
Returns to a favourite interest across days (asks for same song/book) and shows excitement.
Gives a simple reason ('too loud', 'I like this') when choosing between options.
Suggests an activity to a peer/adult ('let’s draw') and brings the needed resources.
Accepts a change ('no park today') and chooses an alternative without a prolonged meltdown.
Try this at home
Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.
At dressing time, offer two clothing options; notice whether your child chooses and communicates the choice (pointing, naming, or bringing it).
At story time, offer two books; observe whether your child shows a clear preference and stays engaged with the chosen book.
At snack time, ask: 'Do you want apple or banana?' Notice whether your child answers, points, or corrects you if you pick the wrong one.
At the park, pause and ask: 'Slide or swings first?' Watch whether your child chooses and follows through on the choice.
During bath time, offer two bath toys and notice whether your child requests a favourite again on another day (showing stable interest).
Connected behaviours
Behaviours that scaffold, follow, or co-emerge with this one.
The framework source and supporting developmental research.
Framework source
Development Matters in the EYFS (2012), Personal, Social and Emotional Development: Self-confidence and self-awareness (22–36 months).
The construct is framework-native and reflects growing autonomy and communication of preferences and interests.
Five-level rubric (detailed)ShowHide
The full progression underlying the three levels above. Used by the platform’s reasoning agent when planning activities and observations.
Not Yet
Rarely shows clear choices or interests and tends to follow adult direction without indicating likes/dislikes. May become upset or disengage instead of communicating a preference.
Does not choose when offered two options; looks away or waits for an adult to decide.
Pushes items away and cries rather than indicating what they want instead.
Moves between activities without showing a consistent interest or returning to a favourite.
Emerging
Shows preferences mainly through gestures (reaching, pushing away) or brief single words, and preferences may change quickly. Needs adult support to translate signals into choices.
Reaches for one option and then quickly drops it and grabs the other within seconds.
Uses 'no' frequently without offering an alternative (no pointing/choosing after refusal).
Shows preference by bringing a favourite item to an adult but cannot yet name it.
Developing
Communicates preferences in familiar contexts (e.g., chooses between two options) and shows sustained interest in some activities. Uses simple language/signs such as 'want', 'more', 'no' with adult scaffolding.
Points to a preferred book/toy when asked 'which one?' and takes it to play.
Says or signs 'more' for a preferred song/snack and waits for the adult response.
Chooses a familiar activity (e.g., cars) and stays with it for several minutes.
Secure
Clearly expresses likes, dislikes, and interests across contexts and can make choices without becoming overwhelmed. Can say 'no' appropriately and maintain engagement with a chosen activity.
States a preference ('blocks') and goes to the area to start without needing repeated prompts.
Declines politely ('no thank you') and selects a different option when offered choices.
Returns to a favourite interest across days (asks for same song/book) and shows excitement.
Reflexive
Explains preferences in simple reasons ('I like the red one'), negotiates alternatives, and recognises others' preferences. Initiates activities based on interests and can flex when plans change.
Gives a simple reason ('too loud', 'I like this') when choosing between options.
Suggests an activity to a peer/adult ('let’s draw') and brings the needed resources.
Accepts a change ('no park today') and chooses an alternative without a prolonged meltdown.
